Tag: writing

  • The Other Parents

    John Everet Millais “Christ in the House of his Parents” (1849-1850) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christ_in_the_House_of_His_Parents

    I’ve spent most of today reading Carl Jung’s book “The Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious” and among the wealth of ideas presented inside this little book, one stood out to me the most. And this is Jung’s description of the double parenting concept. He describes it as the condition of the child being born firstly out of his biological parents and then secondly, in a spiritual way, when the child gets baptized and receives a godmother and a godfather. Here is how Jung describes this process from a historical lens as well:

    This is the motif of the dual mother an archetype to be found in many variants in the field of mythology and comparative religion and forming the basis of numerous “representations collectives.” I might mention, for instance, the motif of the dual descent that is, descent from human and divine parents, as in the case of Heracles, who received immortality through being unwittingly adopted by Hera. (…) It is an idea that underlies all rebirth mysteries, Christianity included. Christ himself is “twiceborn”: through his baptism in the Jordan he was regenerated and reborn from water and spirit.

    Consequently, in the Roman liturgy the font is designated the “uterus ecclesiae”(…) Thanks to this motif of the dual birth, children today, instead of having good and evil fairies who magically “adopt” them at birth with blessings or curses, are given sponsors—a “godfather” and a “godmother.”

    The idea of a second birth is found at all times and in all places. In the earliest beginnings of medicine it was a magical means of healing; in many religions it is the central mystical experience; it is the key idea in medieval, occult philosophy, and, last but not least, it is an infantile fantasy occurring in numberless children, large and small, who believe that their parents are not their real parents but merely foster-parents to whom they were handed over. (p.45)

    It’s interesting that just a couple of days away from the planet of higher awareness (Uranus) preparing to move from stable Taurus and into contradictory Gemini, I am entertaining Jung’s thoughts on ‘dual descent’, ‘the dual mother’, ‘dual birth’, being ‘twice born’ and receiving spiritual sponsors. I guess this shows me once again how Jung’s idea of synchonicity works and how beautifully such timed experiences play out in our lives. In some way, this makes me think how astrology is a just gigantic clock measuring the timing of the significant events in our lives, as predestined-phases meet with our human, free will.

    But I digress. The godparents – which by their naming already contain a symbol linking them to “god” figures – become the child’s spiritual protectors through the rituals put in place by the church. In older times, the godparents were important since they would’ve been the ones in charge of raising the child should something happen to the child’s family (in medieval Europe death was a flu away and people took precautions as best as they could).

    Now, this is an interesting concept, because I remember that when I was born I also had a couple of my dad’s friends who became my godmother and godfather. Sadly, they remained in my life only in the form of black and white pictures, as they lost contact with my family and I never heard of them (although apparently we live in the same city). I was even given a middle name (Georgiana) to fit with their names (which fittingly were George and Georgeta) and I guess, to have an additional layer of semantic protection, not only so-called spiritual caretaking.

    On top of this, my middle name is under the blessing of Saint George, the one who killed the infamous dragon. My parents gave me two very powerful names, under the protection of two rather tough Saints (Alexander and George) and then they struggled all their lives to crush my will and get me to blindly obey them. This was paradox all onto its Self, but at the same time a deeply strength-building life experience, marked in the profound energies inherent in my birth-chart. And even through the power of them being poor role models for successful parenting and loving, they nonetheless helped me fulfill my path in life.

    It is perhaps a fact that with time and under a political regime that supressed religion and spirituality as much as it could (communism), people lost the soulful meaning of this ‘dual parents’ blessing. The vestiges of that crushed faith were further dilutted in the current capitalist, materialistic and spiritual-dead landscape. But aside from the religious ritual, to have godparents was a blessing, and maybe it’s a practice worth keeping, as a community healing practice or life-enhancing survival strategy? Imagine if nowdays we would have continued this gift of the godparents, how much of the current mental health problems would be assuaged by having another set of parents to turn to when your biological ones would leave you out in the cold. Of course, that is presuming that your godparents are relatively good-enough and functioning human beings themselves.

    On a deeper level, it could be that we are forced as a collective by the cynical circumstances of the Age of Information to turn to the mythical and actually spiritual representations of the Divine parents (Mother Earth and Father Sky, or Mother Mary and Jesus Christ etc.) in the absence of godparents who can guide us and biological parents who can support us in our times of need.

    Jung adds to this line of thought:

    Because people have always feared that the connection with the instinctive, archetypal stage of consciousness might get lost in the course of life, the custom has long since been adopted of giving the new-born child, in addition to his bodily parents, two godparents, a “godfather” and a “godmother,” who are supposed to be responsible for the spiritual welfare of their godchild. They represent the pair of gods who appear at its birth, thus illustrating the “dual birth” motif. (p. 68)

    My thoughts on this topic are just forming and writing this short piece may feel fractured for time being, but I was reading these words and something fired up inside of me. The flame of inspiration perhaps, courtesy of Saturn and Neptune in Aries. As a mother-hungry child myself, I grew up with an image of distorted femininity. In addition, the parent I loved and felt loved by, my father was struggling with his own demons (co-dependency, porn and alcohol addiction and deap-seated emotional repression from buried childhood trauma). So I’m finding out that my Animus isn’t doing all that great either.

    In summary, I grew up not feeling deeply understood, loved and held by either parent. My physical and material needs were somehow met but emotionally I was blocked, stunted and even punished for being loving, needy and exuberant. As I matured, I became a woman afraid of vulnerability, expressing my feelings and saying the truth and I began embodying the role of the Amazon, obsessed with science and academic pursuits, but starved emotionally in my intimate life. In 2020, the pandemic offered me the chance to sit still and go within, and I began the work of healing my femininity, a work I am still immersed in, as self-acceptance ebbs and flows.

    My parents were young when they had me so we all grew up together, and I do not judge them anymore for the mistakes they have made with me. They did the best they could. Last year I lost them both: my father to cancer, against my will, and my mother from a conscious decision to keep her away from my life after another harsh betrayal. I began therapy and my formal training as Jungian analyst in the midst of the second darkest depression of my life and now I can begin to see the light and rebuild my confidence.

    Reading texts like Jung’s thinking around the archetypes helps. Talking about the past and reframing it helps. Naming the painful feelings and being brave enough to sit with them also helps. In the last year, what kept me getting out of bed and away from a pattern of dealing with tough emotions by imbibing alcohol that has plagued generations of my ancestors, was the love and light I have constantly felt from a Divine presence. Jung would’ve said this is the Self speaking back to me, guiding me through life, as the Archetypes of Father Sky and Mother Earth were constellating in my unconscious. And indeed, I had visions of sleeping in the palm of a tender Giant; I had dreams of a Lady in White washing my hair and holding me in her arms in pure water.

    The reason why I’m sharing this is to put it across that much like Jung’s intuition in the quotes above, you need to remember that you were born twice in this life. Even if you a) weren’t baptized, or b) you were but you had godparents that are non-existent, or c) you were baptized but never received godparents, this is just a ritual as a formality on the material plane. The true meaning behind the action of receiving your spiritual sponsors at birth, is to continue to nurture a spiritual life, from which you can gain your deepest strength when the material aspects of life and the people in it, will test you.

    Because on the spiritual level, as your consciousness was forming and the child you once were was growing, you were also imbued with archetypal images from your surrounding environment. It is up to you now to consciously activate them and work with them. Whether you are of faith or not, these images live inside of you because as Jung says “we are born into the collective unconscious”, with its wealth of primitive instincts and ancestral images.

    This is just a kind reminder that if you are suffering from parental abandon, if your biological parents are long gone from this mortal coil, or if they are still alive but you put up walls to defend against their vitriol, you will always have your Divine parents watching over you. Even now, as you read these words, your God-mother and God-father (emphasis on “God” here) are helping you receive these messages and find some sort of comfort. I hope that you will allow them to guide you as you continue on.

    With universal light,

    Lexi

  • Re-Love

    Edvard Munch – Lovers in the Waves (Elskende par i bolger), 1896. See more here: https://www.guggenheim.org/artwork/artist/edvard-munch

    It’s Spring, and to detract from the heaviness of my previous post here’s a playlist for romantic renewal. Because love, this invisible energy binding us all, continues to matter and to exist. And it can be found inside of you. However, if you’ve been feeling like I have recently, despondent and melancholic, let’s resort to some readily available auditory medicine.

    The following songs from these amazing alternative artists work heavily on your heart chakra to make you feel good and get you…in the mood for love. Adorned to the titles themselves you will also find small snipits of my favourite lyrics from these songs (most of which are also great dance tunes…) :

    1. Niluefer Yanya – Midnight Sun

    “Love is raised by common thieves
    Hiding diamonds up their sleeves
    Always I did it for you
    Never felt so sure
    You’re my best machine
    You’re my midnight sun”

    2. Idles – Grace

    “Give me grace, give me light
    Hold me up as I take flight
    Make me safe, away from harm
    Please caress my swollen heart
    Make me pure”

    3. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Echo

    “Maybe you’re a little fire
    You’ve been drowning your own desires
    But every time I see you smile, the heavens move”

    4. Fontaines DC – I love you

    “Well, I love you, imagine a world without you
    It’s only ever you, I only think of you
    And if it’s a blessing, I want it for you
    If I must have a future, I want it with you”

    5. Angus and Julia Stone – Chateau

    “Corner in your converse
    Living on the outskirts
    Trying just to figure it out
    Talking like a deadbeat, I just wanted you to see
    Everything that I could see
    Walking in the night sky, I’m always on your side
    You were really saving me”

    6. Father John Mysty – Screamland

    “Picked me up and drove by the light of the moon
    Four hours to the desert from the drawing room
    This year’s wine tasted suspicious but just enough like love
    God must be with the outcasts ’cause when I call, you come”

    7. HAIM – Summer Girl

    “I need you to understand
    These are the earthquake drills that we ran
    Under the freeway overpasses
    The tears behind your dark sunglasses
    The fears inside your heart as deep as gashes
    Walk beside me, not behind me
    Feel my unconditional love”

    8. Vampire Weekend – Prep-School Gangsters

    “Call me jealous, call me mad, now I’ve got the thing you had
    Somewhere in your family tree, there was someone just like me”

    9. Sharon van Etten – Jupiter 4

    “Touching your face
    How’d it take a long, long time
    To be here

    Turning the wheel on my street
    My heart still skips a beat”

    10. Clairo – White Flag

    “Grown apart and we’re so far gone
    But I’m waving the white flag
    Sending my love back, move on”

    With universal love,

    Lexi

  • Romantic Realist

    This post is more of a playlist than anything else. To remind myself and others that love is still possible and that it can be found in the irregularities, mistakes and issues of everyday life. One of the least sentimental and most romantic rock bands, whose music stood the test of time, has been the American band The National. I used to religiously listen to them in high-school, specifically their brilliantly undertstated album ‘Alligator’. Then I got the pleasure of seeing them live in the Netherlands at the Lowlands festival and in special gig at Edinburgh’s Queen Hall, which I was fortunate enough to live in close proximity to, at that time.

    And because ysterday, I drank some champagne for Christmas and Youtube randomly started playing ‘Quiet light’ in the background, just as the clock turned to midnight, I thought I’d put together a top 10 of my favourite love songs from The National with some lyrics that stand out to me. So courtesy of singer Matt Berninger (an Aquarius Sun) and the band, here are the songs I most listen to when I want to feel loved and hopeful:

    1. Brainy : You know I keep your fingerprints in a pink folder in the middle of my table / You’re the tall kingdom I surround / Think I better follow you around / You might need me more than you think you will / Come home in the car you love, brainy brainy brainy
    2. Conversation 16 : I’ll try to be more romantic / I wanna believe in everything you believe / I was less than amazing / Do not know what all the troubles are for / I fall asleep in your branches / You’re the only thing I ever want anymore
    3. Val Jester : Build a fire for Val Jester / Build a room for your love / Take your time when you tell her / How she lives in your blood
    4. Quiet Light : But I’m learning to lie here in the quiet light / While I watch the sky go from black to grey/ Learning how not to die inside a little every time / I think about you and wonder if you are awake
    5. Start a War : Whatever went away, I’ll get it over now / I’ll get money, I’ll get funny again / Walk away now and you’re gonna start a war
    6. Terrible Love : It’s a terrible love and I’m walkin’ with spiders / It’s a terrible love and I’m walkin’ in / This quiet company
    7. The system only dreams in total darkness : Maybe I listen more than you think / And I can tell that somebody sold you / We said we’d never let anyone in / We said we’d only die of lonely secrets
    8. I need my girl : I am good, I am grounded / Davy says that I look taller / But I can’t get my head around it / I keep feeling smaller and smaller
    9. City middle : You said “I think I’m like Tennessee Williams” / I wait for the click, I wait, but it doesn’t kick in / I think I’m like Tennessee Williams / I wait for the click, I wait, but it doesn’t kick in
    10. About Today : Hey, are you awake? / Yeah, I’m right here / Well can I ask you /About today? /How close am I / To losing you?

    With universal love,

    Lexi