Tag: fiction

  • The Ex : The Unconscious and Dangerous Growth

    Still from the game Tenebris Somnia created by Cancer Sun Andres Borghi, in which Julia faces for the final time her antagonist, the witchy Vitria

    I’m gradually waking up from being under the spell of two games in the last weeks, and these are the newly released Tenebris Somnia and Silver Pines. I don’t have the guts to play them myself but I watched the full gameplays on channels like TheSavchyngames and CJUGames on Youtube and I highly recommend that you give them a try. Instead of falling asleep to a movie each night, I would make a cup of cocoa and watch one hour of each game until dreams eventually overtook me. I must admit I had some fascinating dreams after each game, which then transformed into paintings (but more about this in an upcoming post).

    Tenebris Somnia (or dark dreams in Latin) is described on Steam as a “retro survival horror adventure game with live action cutscenes created by an award-winning film crew from Argentina. Unveil the depths of a disturbing story by solving puzzles and fighting horrible creatures. …What if they aren’t just nightmares?“. I don’t know why, but the atmosphere of the game is reminiscent to me of the movies “The Headless Woman” and “Santa Sangre“, two weird gems of Argentine cinema that have been haunting me ever since I saw them.

    On the other hand, Silver Pines is reminiscent more of “Twin Peaks” and “Silent Hill 2” with their heavy, brooding atmospheres and detective-like dynamics. The game was created by a team of Nordic developers and is described on Steam as “a survival horror metroidvania set in small town America. Fight nightmarish terrors and solve puzzles, while carefully managing your scarce resources as you uncover the mysteries that could hold the key to redemption.” Silver Pines has been nominated for best horror game of the year, although 2026 is a tough year for competitive horror games, seeing as we began the year with the masterpiece that is Resident Evil Requiem.

    The Pull of the Unconscious

    Still from Silver Pines depicting the town’s Quiet Hour Cafe right before the storm and the wandering, emblectic white horse, as a symbol of death’s acceptance

    Both games have multiple endings and *spoiler alert* these are the aspects that I would like to unpack in this post which isn’t only about my sheer love for thoughtful horrors games but also about the psychological underpinnings of the protagonists’ stories, as they are revealted in their endings. And the endings revolve around an ex in one case and the past and the consequences of a man’s actions in another. These two themes are brought into foreground by the current and overlapping Mercury retrograde in Scorpio and Venus retrograde in Libra, helping collective energies to scavage through their romantic past.

    In Tenebris Somnia, Julia is persecuted by nightmares about her ex-boyfriend Ivan, and after failing to reach him she decides to use the apartment key she still was holding on to, in order to check up on him and see if he is alright. There are a number of red flags already at hand and I guess you can tell that one of the endings will involve Julia just looking at the key and deciding not to use it and not to check on her ex (which is exactly what I would’ve done, to be completely honest). I keep saying this to my clients that “an ex is an ex for a very good reason” but what would be the fun in listening to reason in a horror game, right?

    At the beginning of Tenebris Somnia, we are thrown into this kind of funny and slapstick, retro vintage gaming world, until the first real-action cut scene introduces us to a zombie-like creature who lunges at Julia with a forked tongue, and we are snapped into the brutal reality of the story. Julia seems eerily entranced throughout the game. She needs to find Ivan and find out what happened to him but she doesn’t know why she is doing this.

    In a similar vein, the detective of Silver Pines, Red Walker, has been hired by a mysterious man to find a musician named Eddie Velvet and as we later find out, is tasked with murdering him. Red is desperately searching for Velvet through the horrors of an abandoned town, soon to be besieged by a storm, without understanding exactly why he feels the compulsion to find this man. Both Red and Julia are gripped by their unconscious which pulls them to confront their fears, presented in each game as terrifying and creative-looking monsters.

    In the later parts of the game it becomes increasingly evident that Eddie and Red are the same man (watch as they share a fear of dogs, for example) and that Silver Pines is a projection of Red’s fractured psyche in the wake of an accident he had suffered which led to the death of his girlfriend. Red’s mysterious employer is the voice of his Ego, who drenched in self-hatred wants to keep him repressed and split off from finding the truth and awknowledging his guilt, at having caused the death of an innocent woman.

    In my view both of these fascinating characters, Julia and Red are symbols of the human Ego struggling to understand the unconscious. Often in our lives, we feel compelled or obsessed with certain activities or certain people without fully comprehending why. These are usually pivotal moments when important content from the unconscious wants to make itself known to our conscious mind in order for deep healing, somatic release and psychological growth to take place.

    Although, it needs to be said that such a quest, when undertaken with a view to fight and destroy the unconscious rather than to seek to understand it, will lead to the actual death or gradual psychic destruction of the person involved.

    And we see this theme of being overcome by nigredo (the darkening) or a retreat into psychological repression and fear, in both Julia’ s case in her Magnum Opus ending (where she kills the Relicta and fights Ivan only to obliterate her Shadow at his command), but also in the ending in which Red Walker finds Eddie Velvet and shoots him in the back, thereby completing his mission and never fully understanding the story he had been immersed in. Killing in both of these games carries the symbolic meaning of splitting apart, because after all, the greatest suffering happens in life when we separate parts of ourself and deny our whole being a right to exist freely. Splitting also happens when trauma occurs, which I will unpack below.

    Still of Red Walker in the town’s church right after a boss battle

    In these so-called ‘bad’ endings, Julia becomes afraid of the world and suspicious of every man as she retreats from her true Self and into the arms of her controlling and abusing ex-boyfriend, while Red continues to drive on endlessly into a night so dark that not even the moon can illuminate it. Both characters are doomed to remain in perpetual darkness, as nigredo extends indefinitely and cannot ascend to the clarity of the albedo stage or the warmth of the citrinitas/rubedo fulfillment, to use the alchemical words Jung has employed to describe the psychic development towards individuation.

    Haunting dreams seek our Attention

    Tenebris Somnia felt deeper and more meaningful as a story-line to me, because it dealt with domestic violence and I grew up with a controlling person who benefited from keeping me trapped and anxious. Therefore, I have intimate knowledge of how Julia must have felt in her relationship to Ivan, and empathized with her throughout the game. It was also fascinating to see that the so called ‘good ending of the game’ was titled ‘solve et coagula‘ (dissolve and coagulate), terms used by Carl Jung in his work on psychology and alchemy.

    In Tenebris Somnia, Julia’s journey can be seen as the process of solve et coagula which maps onto a woman’s quest for individuation through psychological transformation. In the bad ending (Magnum Opus), Julia slaughters her Relicta fragments with the Aurifer, a golden knife she creates through magic. Psychologically, killing is an act of violent psychic repression—she kills off parts of herself to survive, returning to reality permanently marked by her trauma (ex. the scar on her forehead remains but only in her mirrored reflection). In this version of her chosen reality, she remains bound to the archetype of her abuser, perpetuating the trauma cycle rather than escaping it.

    Still of Julia and Ivan from the Magnum Opus ending of Tenebris Somnia

    On the other hand, by choosing the Solve et Coagula ending, she allows the old, victimized Ego structure to dissolve completely (solve). By refusing to attack her Shadow, she stops treating her internal trauma as an external enemy (she pulls her projection back). The final merging with the collapsing nightmare (coagula) is a raw, terrifying depiction of assimilating her Shadow. She doesn’t escape her history, rather she internalizes it to become whole, and I especially liked how tender she was with her Shadow when she met herself in the final boss battle, a sign that she has learned to be compassionate with the hurtful things she has chosen for herself in the past.

    In the epilogue, Julia channels a newfound raw and integrated psychic energy into her creative life as a filmmaker. She films a short-movie and debuts it at a premiere. Her film-making style is clearly different than that of her ex, Ivan, whose somber film-making contributed to her nightmarish psychic journey. In contrast, Julia’s work is funny, colourful and humane, and we see this through the way that the audience reacts to her film. I have to admit this final scene brought happy tears to my eyes, because I was so proud of her!

    In the Magnum opus ending, I was struck by how violent the relicta of Ivan was when she confronts him in the end and we see the true rage monster that was hiding inside the man she loved. The violence of Ivan’s relicta is a profound clinical depiction of what Jung called an autonomous complex bursting into consciousness with primal fury. Because Julia had suppressed the reality of Ivan’s abuse, that psychic energy didn’t vanish—it weaponized itself in her unconscious. When it finally manifested, it unleashed raw, unmitigated rage which she then problematically, turned against her Shadow rather than towards escaping Ivan and letting him go.

    We know by now that there are two halves of Julia’s reality, influenced by her decisions throughout the game, something that is aptly mirrored by the game’s shift between pixel art and live-action video. In the standard loop or the Magnum Opus ending, Julia’s psychic defenses are working against her: terrified of the outside world, her ego projects the internal threat (the danger of being harmed or controlled) onto innocent men in the public (like that guy in the subway).

    Because the trauma of Ivan’s abuse is unresolved, her psyche perceives the entire world as hostile. Paralyzed by this projected fear, she runs back to Ivan’s apartment. In trauma bonds, the abuser becomes the “safe harbor” from the very terror they created. Psychologically, Julia trades the unpredictable threat of the unknown world, for the predictable, familiar torment of her abuser. It is a regressive retreat to the root of her complex.

    In the empowered conclusion or the Solve et Coagula ending, her psychological orientation undergoes a deep change. The difference in her behavior is a textbook example of an integrated Shadow. True bravery in Jungian terms is not the elimination of fear, nor is it turning into the aggressor. In the bad ending, she attacks her fragments, becoming the abuser in order to survive.

    In the good ending, her refusal to harm her captors (symbolising aspects of her Self) shows that she has broken the cycle of victimization. She no longer needs to use violent defense mechanisms. By facing the monsters without attacking them, she looks at her trauma directly. And in turn, this robs the autonomous complexes of their stealth power over her psyche.

    Complexes or fears lose their terrifying grip on her because they are no longer hidden in the dark—they are acknowledged components of her history. By the end, she isn’t running back to the ruined apartment. She can exist in the live-action, objective world because she is no longer projecting her inner monsters onto random people around her. The outside world ceases to be a house of horrors the moment she cleanses her inner house.

    Still of retro Julia battling Vitria through a mirror, a symbol of how she is desperately trying to integrate aspects of her Shadow but faces immense resistance from her Ego

    I liked how vulnerable she was being depicted during the premiere of her short film. We could see and feel her anxiety and her compulsion to project this anxiety on the public, like she would’ve done in the past, when her anxieties held her back and pushed her into a connection with a dominant and controlling man (Ivan). But she took a deep breath and held the tension and then suddenly the situation changed. The crowd started laughing because of the funny actor in her short film. All her worries of being perceived in a negative way or criticised by others were dispelled when her creative work touched the public.

    There was an immediate collective release of tension which was mirroring her own personal breakthrough: instead of falling into a past pattern, Julia stood her ground just by breathing, she held her anxiety and was brave enough to show up at her premiere and just see what happen. It shows that in time, through such repeated experiences, she will become a very strong woman, capable of controlling her own life (like a director) instead of projecting her control onto a domineering lover who may abuse her. This was the exact moment of Jung’s transcendent function manifesting in waking life, rather than just in her dreams or the pixelated unconscious of the game.

    What Julia is experiencing during the premiere of her short film is the shift from an unconscious compulsion to repeat the trauma loop to the conscious endurance of the “crucible.” Sometimes, to truly heal we need to hold and stay strong among uncomfortable feelings. In Jungian analysis, growth rarely looks like the permanent erasure of anxiety, rather it is a change in our relationship to that anxiety. We don’t get rid of our feelings, we transform them.

    In alchemy, this is maintaining the heat of a vessel without letting it crack. She allows the anxiety to exist within her body without reacting to it or offloading it onto others.Because Julia holds her internal tension, she creates the psychological space for reality to surprise her. By enduring these moments, Julia transitions from a passive actor trapped in Ivan’s abusive, black-and-white film to the author and director of her own and colourful psychic reality. This is a process that takes time and repetition. Each time she stands her ground in the face of her anxiety without retreating into the arms of a controller, she strengthens the new Ego she is carefully building for herself. She transforms her vulnerability from a liability into the very wellspring of her creative sovereignty.

    Image depicting the alchemical vessel of containment, which can hold opposing forces (such as masculinity and femininity) with the purpose of transforming the soul

    Learning from THESE GAMES For Future ThErapeutic Work

    As a training analyst, I kept wondering what would I do in such a case, if a patient like Red Walker or Julia walks into my office? I was especially stuck at that scene of Julia’s premiere and marvelled at her subtle growth. I guess that when I would observe patients reaching this “premiere” stage in their own lives—where they face the terrifying choice between an old, toxic coping mechanism and a brave new path—I would think about what kind of clinical containment or support I could enact to help them hold that tension without collapsing back into the past.

    Since a patient has reached this advanced stage in their therapy, I don’t believe a maternal-like containment is necessary as this would be more appropriate for someone who is still possessed by a complex, but Julia emerged outside of it and may now need just some gentle nudging in the direction of courageous decisions. So I would offer her validating compliments based on her decisions to show up and hold the anxiety and I would continue to re-affirm the necessity of maintaing a strong connection to reality and to understand that she doesn’t have to be perfect, she just needs to be present and continue with the good work she is already doing.

    In my view, I would shift from the maternal, containing matrix (necessary for holding a fractured Ego together) to the paternal/transformative function of encouraging the ego to step out into the world with agency. After all, over-containing a patient at Julia’s stage can accidentally infantilize them or mirror the very dependency they are trying to escape. By offering validating compliments and focusing on presence over perfection,I can act as a steady witness to her emergent strength rather than a protector she must lean on.

    With universal love,

    Lexi

  • Morticia Addams is a State of Mind

    Cancer Sun Anjelica Huston as Morticia Addams in The Addams Family Values (1993)

    It took a Capricorn imaginarium to give birth to her, through the creative vision of January-born, Charles Addams. With all three luminary and key points in Earth signs (Capricorn Sun in the 9th house, Moon in Virgo in the 5th and Ascendant in Taurus conjunct Saturn!) Charles Addams possessed immense grounding, discipline, and patient craftsmanship. And in many ways, just like her creator, Morticia is highly Saturnian herself.

    Vintage photo of Charles Addams from the New Yorker: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/07/09/the-addams-family-secret

    From her jet black hair, her slim figure, her undying devotion to her family, to her demure expressions of contained tension and her equally dark humor, Morticia embodies a precise and polished soft strength, typical of a Saturn-ruled individual. It’s only her tentacled dress that alludes to the fact that her nature may be darkly instinctual, behind closed doors.

    I want to focus on her image, style and essence in this post, because Halloween is approaching fast and I need a distraction from the many real horrors taking place in the world at the moment, which make the spooky gloom of this time of the year pale in comparison.

    Charles never gave us a birthday for Morticia, so I can just assume her sign, but seeing as creations are as much influenced by the astrological energy of their creator, it wouldn’t be weird to assume each Addams family character depicts an aspect of the visual artist’s natal chart. Case in point, Charles Addams also had a Mars in Gemini sitting in opposition to his Venus in Sagittarius loosely conjunct Jupiter, an energy I see embodied in Gomez Addams, the witty hypocondriac who is obsessed with his wife, easy on his children, great with money and always up for a fencing adventure.

    Image of Carolyn Jones as Morticia Addams and John Astin as Gomez Addams taken from https://www.tvline.com/2243765/the-addams-family-morticia-carolyn-jones-star-soap-opera-capitol/

    What delights me the most about Morticia, is the fascination that she displays for things and circumstances usually considered taboo or dangerous for women, and in many ways she is not only the prototype of the Dark Feminine Archetype but also a bit of a rebel. For example, she is often depicted as standing near her lion called Pet or feeding her carnivorous Venus fly trap, Cleopatra Green of the Nile, alongside other irritants such as hemlock, henbane, and poison ivy. This image of a woman capable of taming the wild, natural forces of destruction with the same calm and poise of a mother suckling her newborn child, is both wholesome and disturbing.

    In myth, Hecate the dark goddess of magic is the ultimate herbologist and mistress of potions (pharmakeia), and I think that the image of this Greek goddess aligns almost perfectly with Morticia’s dark, gothic elegance and maternal authority over the strange. Although, I must admit I see a little of the Morrigan in her too, particularly in the Celtic Goddess’ fondness for ravens and psychological warfare, which Morticia puts to good use in everyday encounters in very clever and subtle ways.

    Image taken from Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/4338911032/hekate-goddess-guide-pagan-witchcraft

    Moreover, there are also many innuendos in the dialogues between her and Gomez, which indicate that a regime of physical punishments could be part of their shared sexual intimacy, which adds some edge and spice to her elegant and intimidating presence. The magic of it all is that it is done in such subtle ways that constantly leaves room for the imagination. We see that Gomez and Morticia are passionate and obsessed with each other but we never truly get to grasp what goes on when the lights are off, and seeing as they are in touch with their darker instincts, I guess the sky is the limit…or better said, the Underworld.

    I like that as a viewer, you are never dramatically hit on the head with how dark and edgy Morticia is, much like the recent goth girl trend popularized on Tiktok and catering to cheap sexual fantasies. No, with Morticia, there is an air of elegance thinly spun around her Persona which offer her a mysterious elusiveness, like a cellar spider making its nest nearby while you scroll on your laptop, completely unaware of this development in the corner of your room.

    Morticia never bends to social norms, expectations, or trend cycles. She is completely comfortable in her own skin and thrives in her unique environment without ever feeling the need to explain or justify herself to “normal” society. No matter how chaotic the world around her gets, Morticia remains serene, elegant, and collected. Chaos, hostility, or bizarre events do not break her inner peace—she simply glides through them with an enigmatic smile.

    One of my favourite episodes from the vintage series which ran on American television sets between 1964 to 1966 (fun fact: that was a Saturn in Pisces couple of years!) is the episode when Gomez and Morticia first meet, because it tells us so much about their personalities, before they became that unbreakable couple we all know and envy.

    Morticia Addams is far more than just a gothic style icon—she is a masterclass in psychological groundedness, radical self-acceptance, and unshakeable grace. Viewing Morticia as a mindset means adopting a lifestyle defined by composure, passion, and complete indifference to external judgment.

    Furthermore, Morticia’s relationships are anchored in devotion, mutual respect, and fierce loyalty. Where others see gloom, decay, or fear, Morticia sees romance, elegance, and beauty (like clipping the petals off roses to leave only the beautiful thorns). She doesn’t fear the dark or the taboo; she incorporates it gracefully into her life. Morticia never raises her voice, demands attention, or tries hard to impress. Her presence alone commands the room through stillness, slow movement, and calm confidence.

    And because imitation is the greatest form of flattery, I had some fun with Gemini and a relatively recent photo of myself , as I asked the AI to transform me into her. The outcome is kind of awesome, to the point that I am considering changing my daily make-up to look more like her. I basically adore the fact that my natural features (pale skin, long nose, arched eyebrows) fit so well with the striking visuals of all the women that embodied her so far, and believe me it took me years to accept and love my natural features.

    I think my favourite Morticia has to be Angelica Huston, not only because I look like her the most, but also for the flawless performance she gives in bringing our macabre darling to life: from the soft tone of her voice, to the passionate chemistry she displays with Pisces Sun Raul Julia, to the perfect delivery of sarcastic lines (I think that nothing tops “But, Debbie…pastels“).

    Personal photo enhanced with Gemini AI

    Who is your favourite Halloween icon? And let me know as well if you celebrate Halloween this year and what costume will you be wearing.

    With spooky and ooky love,

    Lexi

    P.S: Part of this post was written with the support of AI

  • A Playlist to Surrender to a Dark Romance

    The Kiss by Antonio Ambrogio Alciati (1878-1929) – Pastel on paper

    As Mars enters Taurus and begins its return in my house of love and Other people (the 7th astrological house), I still feel under the spell of one of the most beautiful academic books I’ve read this year. It’s called “On the Way to the Wedding: Transforming the Love Relationship” by Linda Schierse-Leonard, a book initially published in 1987, which is as old as I am and so gently powerful.

    This book alongside with “The Inner World of Trauma: Archetypal Defenses of the Personal Spirit” by Donald Kalsched have to be the most amazing texts on love, relationships, healing and Jungian Analysis that I had the pleasure to discover this year.

    These books do something to you…something begins to move in your mind once you’ve finished reading them and dreams begin to proliferate. A wall in your heart begins to chip, as you start to see things around you differently. Even if you are the most sarcastic person on the planet, you begin to yearn for love. But if you are wounded in love, you may fall for someone who risks re-traumatizing you.

    Part of the fun of reading Linda’s book is that she titles the chapters of her book as “Prince Charming and the Special Princess”, “The Bewitchment” or “The Divine Wedding”, and my favourite “The Demon Lover”, as she breaks down fairy-tales and applies them to real cases from her patients and their mental health struggles.

    There’s magic in the struggle.

    Quote from page 77 in Linda’s book “On the Way to the Wedding”

    Inspired by this book and the seductively dangerous image of the Demon lover, I created a playlist, to engage in a fun and sexy way with this Archetype. I guess this playlist can also see you through a bad romance or two, until your self-love kicks in and you begin to feel worthy of better:

    The Cure – The Last Day of Summer


    Twilight Sad – It never was the same again

    Glass Animals – Black Mambo


    Idles – Beachland Ballroom (p.2)


    Daughter – Flaws

    Warpaint – Love is to die


    Bjork – Hidden Place


    James Blake – To the last


    Sweatcult – Pray

    Austra – Beyond a Mortal


    Smashing Pumpkins – Ava Adore HQ


    Jonathan Bree – Until We’re Done


    Ghostpoet – Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me


    Cigarettes After Sex – Twizzler


    Editors – Two Hearted Spider

    Sea Power – Want to be free

    I initially created this playlist so I can listen to it while I’m preparing to read “Carmilla” by Sheridan Le Fanu, considered by many to be the first novel on vampires that started the trend. So I thought I’d share it. Hope this emotional sound-landscape adds a darker and interesting sheen to your life, whethever you may find yourself in the world.

    With universal love,

    Lexi