I think I have found my spiritual father. His name is Fritz Riemann and I’ve been reading his work in the past week, at my analyst’s recommendation. I began first with his book which in English has been rather poorly translated as “Anxiety: Using Depth Psychology to Find a Balance in Your Life” (in its original: “Grundformen der Angst“), and then I realised that he was also the author of another book I had on my list, the beautifully titled “Astrology and Psychotherapy” (or “Lebenshilfe Astrologie“) a book which I see as the manual to my future profession.
I’m just two weeks away from turning 39 years old, an age which is usually marked by something called the mid-life crisis. This is described as a pivotal period in a person’s life (usually spanning from the 37th year of life until the 41st) in which the foundations in a person’s life are revised and new decisions for the future have to be made. It’s like a pitstop in the middle of a person’s life in which past actions are coming up for scrutiny in order to find the answer to the burning question “How do I move forward in life?”.
It’s called a “crisis” because something breaks down (usually a career path or a significant relationship, a way of life) and this catapults the individual into a pressure chamber of a mindspace, in which solutions need to be found with urgency.
Carl Jung wrote about this period in a positive light. He saw this breakdown as a special indication that a person was getting closer to living out the truth of their identity or in his terms, the crisis was an opportunity to finally ‘individuate’. What made the crisis so intense was the extent to which someone had lied to themselves so far in their lives, and build a life on shaky and borrowed values, rather than on their personal intuition or on what mattered most to their individuality. In his words:
The nearer we approach to the middle of life, and the better we have succeeded in entrenching ourselves in our personal attitudes and social positions, the more it appears as if we had discovered the right course and the right ideals and principles of behaviour. For this reason, we suppose them to be eternally valid, and make a virtue of unchangeably clinging to them. We overlook the essential fact that the social goal is attained only at the cost of a diminution of personality. Many—far too many aspects of life which should also have been experienced lie in the lumber-room among dusty memories; but sometimes, too, they are glowing coals under grey ashes. – C. Jung, The Collected Works, p. 395
Astrologers also wrote about this period as being one marked by the multiple aspects that transiting Saturn would be making to the natal Saturn and Uranus placements in an individual’s chart, precipitating painful and unexpected changes that have long-lasting consequences. The most notable of which is Erin Sullivan in her book “The Astrology of Midlife and Aging”. Sullivan describes the mid-life crisis as:
“Between the ages of thirty-seven and forty-one, in synchrony with the transit of the planet Uranus’ opposition to its place in the horoscope, something mysterious takes place within the psyche. Further, Dante says: “I cannot clearly say how I had entered the wood; I was so full of sleep just at the point where I abandoned the true path” (II 10-13) The ‘sleep’ with which we are full at the meeting at the crossroads is really the unconscious life that we have within and that is still unlived. Jung said that in this phase of life one is living the “unlived life”, assuming correctly that midlife does not begin a time of rapid decay, loss of libido, and inevitable death but rather in a time in which one might recollect one’s life and, from that recollection, build upon a profound understanding and conscious action toward the next phase of adulthood.” Sullivan, The Astrology of Midlife and Aging, p. 4
Similarly to what Jung and Sullivan have described in their books, I also find myself needing to change my profession at this turning point in my life, as I am no longer able to make a living out of just being an astrologer and tarot reader. I am lucky that I am able to have the interior and exterior resources to be able to undergo this transition with a relative amount of meaning. After I was hit with the transit of Saturn conjunct my natal Mercury and Sun in the last 3 years, I witnessed the gradual loss of a lot of the things and people which used to anchor me in place. I’ve also felt blocked in my development, both creatively and emotionally and frustrated with life.
This produced a crisis of meaning inside of myself and aware that Saturn rules over time and old age, I sought the wisdom of those older than me. In a random way – and possibly influenced by this year’s transit of nostalgic Jupiter in Cancer – I was reminded of an old dream of mine, that of completing my psychotherapeutic training. So after my father’s death I signed up for a professional training to become a Jungian analyst. And I’m happy to say that as lost as I was a couple of years ago, I am now meaningfully placed exactly where I need to be, since my current training offers me a sense of purpose and meaning, which I was robbed off in the past.
However, there are still plenty of difficulties to overcome, most of which have to do with the reshaping of my very soul. I am overwhelmed at the moment by moods, fears and bouts of low energy, which I am processing each week with the help of my supervising analyst, by doing dream analysis and art therapy. This is where depth psychology and the work of many Jungian analysts come in handy, as I don’t believe I would’ve been able to start the process of “mining” through my memories and rearranging my inside, without their help.
So here I am, in my second semester of professional training reading the works of Fritz Riemann and Marion Woodman, my substitute spiritual mother and father. While the German author is helping me stitch together my previous experience as an astrologer and put it in relation to my current experience of being a trainee psychotherapist, Marion Woodman is my wise maternal guide, helping me understand the deeper layers of my psyche and especially my relation to my own Shadow, and what lies beneath it: the Animus and the Death Mother Archetype, two figures who have been haunting me for a while.
After, watching the documentary “The Way of the Dream” and having read her interview with Daniella Sieff titled “Confronting the Death Mother: An Interview with Marion Woodman“, I was curious to find out more about Marion, much like I wanted to discover more about Fritz and his attraction to astrology. I kind of feel like they are kindred spirits to me, or at least ancient members of my soul family. So naturally I pulled up their birth-charts.
Fritz was born a Sun in Virgo (loosely conjunct Venus), with a Moon in Aquarius (loosely conjunct Jupiter). He has a natal Saturn in Capricorn conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer Archetype) and a Uranus in Sagittarius conjunct Lilith (the Wild Feminine Archetype). Remarkably he is a member of the Pluto in Gemini generation and he has a natal Neptune in fellow water sign, Cancer. His Mars is in proud Leo and his Mercury is conjunct his North Node, both in the sign of Libra.
His comfort zone, is marked by Aries, as his South Node is in Aries. Unfortunately, I have no idea in which astrological houses these planets are falling because I am lacking information on his birth time, and hence there is no Ascendant. But he seemed like a charismatic and optimistic fellow (which is rare for Virgo men to be honest). So I am wondering if perhaps his Ascendant was in Leo, which would’ve placed his Mars conjunct it too?
In terms of comparing our charts and finding out why I feel he is one of my kindred spirits, I can see that he has his nodal placement opposite to mine as I was born with a SN in Libra/NN in Aries, and that his Moon and Jupiter fall around my Venus in Aquarius (so I fall in love with the ideas that he cared about, and with Aquarius energy these ideas are indeed audacious and astrological).
Moreover, his Uranus in Sagittarius is conjunct my natal Saturn in the same sign (which makes him the perfect, wacky mentor for me) and his Pluto in Gemini sits in a tight conjunction to my natal Chiron in Gemini in the 8th house, while his Mars in Leo sits on top of my Midheaven. I interpret these two final aspects as being motivating and healing to me, even from beyond his grave. No wonder, I see his work as that of my spiritual father figure.
Moving on to Marion, she was born with a Sun in Leo conjunct the Moon and Mercury (so she is a New Moon baby, an aspect that denotes a pioneering spirit and a true individualist). She has her natal Venus conjunct Neptune in Virgo, an aspect which made her perfect for analytical work but it may have gradually eaten down her relationships due to a perfectionist streak. Furthermore, her natal Mars is conjunct the North Node in Gemini and her South Node is in Sagittarius (and sadly) conjunct her Saturn, which denotes a rough upbringing no matter how positive the Jupiterian influence may be.
In addition, I see a bold Uranus in Aries, Pluto in maternal Cancer and Jupiter in enterprising Taurus conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer Archetype). You can easily see that she has not had an easy life and that growth for her came during painful moments when she was wounded but she had to heal others (Jupiter conjunct Chiron). At the same time, she was able to increase her awareness of the pains of the human condition and bring truth in areas of life previously thought of as taboo, such as in her description of the Inner Tyrant. Her book “The Ravaged Bridegroom: Masculinity in Women” is a pearl in terms of helping me understand the painful underbelly of romantic attractions and why they usually fail and end up in heart-break.
Being born with Saturn conjunct your comfort zone means that any comfort in early life is usually robbed off you as a form of karmic debt, and Marion has been vocal in her book “Leaving my father’s house: A Journey to conscious femininity” about the strained relationship she has had with her father who blocked her chances of being herself (Saturn in Sagittarius). But she was an exceptionally intelligent and wise woman, almost to the point of having an intelligence which stood against her in many ways, and may have self-sabotaged her chances of being happy in life.
In terms of placing her chart in conversation with my own natal chart, the fist thing I noticed is how we share the same Saturn placement and how her South Node is almost perfectly conjunct my Moon in Sagittarius, denoting a deep and unconsciously fertile link between the wisdom she provides and my compulsive search for wisdom. In addition, her Uranus in Aries is conjunct my natal North Node and Jupiter in Aries, making her a truly wise, maternal guide for me to learn a lot from, especially in relation to my own masculinity and wounded Animus (Aries).
Moreover, her Pluto in Cancer falls in my 9th house, where I have Lilith in Cancer (the Wild Feminine Archetype), an aspect which I fondly refer to as the Erin Brockovich effect in terms of using feminine power to combat the abuses of the patriarchy. Marion’s writings liberate me and give me the feeling that I can live life completely free of taboos and complexes as a powerful woman, surviving a changing world (much like Marion had lived her life).
It’s strange how I just begun with an intuition that I should read the works of both Fritz and Marion, and then as I dived into their work and found how strongly it resonated with me, I fell under the suspicion that it may be more to our shared energies than meets the eye. Astrology then showed me in concrete ways, of what I initially just spun out of the thin air of a gut feeling, that I was correct. So I rest my case once more.
Astrology is truly magical, and following your intuition and insights is almost like putting the whole energy of your natal chart in motion towards fated events. This is why it is so important to allow the inner compass to guide you in life, rather than fall for external opinions or follow the indications of others. Trust your gut, trust you path and walk in the direction of your soul tribe. Pursue interests and learn from those who came before you. I would even go so far as to say that this may be the pragmatic application of Jung’s core theme of individuation.
May your journey be filled with suprising joy and boundless wisdom!
Seeing as the highly feminine and exalted transit of Jupiter in Cancer of this year, is providing the perfect background for such a topic, I would like to analyse in the following article some famous and difficult mother-daughter relationships from an astrological point of view. I have experienced such a relationship throughout my life and chances are that if you were drawn to the title, you may also be immersed in such a maternal bond (and consequently the maternal complex that comes with it).
I think this article is also about feminine rebellion and about the astrological signs that point in someone’s birth-chart that their destiny is about becoming a rebel, even if only a gentle one at best. It is to some extent about those character traits that push someone to stand up against external forces that try to dim their natural light, their energy and their capacity to be who they feel they are meant to be, even when these forces come from inside your family unit and your bond to the mother.
In astrology, all aspects connected to the Self and its capacity to express what it is, are contained within the Sun sign, the astrologically dominant planet under which we are born and which shows the seasonal proclivities of the part of year in which a person is born and metaphorically speaking, the kind of “weather” that a person continues to have throughout their life.
As an example, for a Gemini (a person born at the end of May and beginning of June) their world revolves around communication and socializing since that period of the year shows Nature in full bloom, is abundant in fresh produce and as a result people organise celebrations, parties and weddings. While for a Sagittarius (describing someone born at the end of November and beginning of December) their solar light points them in the direction of growth during trying times, as Nature dies around the month of November to prepare for a renewal, and for developing a sense of adventure when faced with life’s darker side and the vicissitudes of surviving Winter.
In addition, astrologers tend to associate the Sun’s solar light to masculine traits while the Moon’s energy in our chart shows our feminine potential; as such the Sun is considered to be the placeholder for the Father archetype while the Moon is the placeholder for the Mother archetype. Bearing that in mind, in this article I want to write about how a feminine Sun signs and their destiny (their North Node) could live under the shadow of someone else’s control and of the karmic masters who wield it in our lives, those first initial spiritual teachers who mould our capacity to intuitively understand our Sun sign and who demarcate how well we can express our inner light during our formative years. I am of course, talking about our mothers.
What happens when someone’s solar energy (i.e. their vitality, capacity to grow, their personality, skills and energy levels) is frustrated by their bond with a mother figure? In the following, I will be looking into the charts of two famous women who suffered at the hands of their mothers but they somehow managed to transform that suffering into haunting literature and cautionary tales of the price of fame and entertainment.
Rebellion and control are usually not words associated with ‘normal’ or ‘thriving’ mother-daughter relationships. This is why these word ends up labelling other types of mother-daughter arrangements, those barely ‘good enough’ forms of mothering which usually look ‘good’ on the outside and are experienced as ‘living hells’ on the inside. What would be the purposes of such relationships in our lives?
In the summer of 2024, I became strangely obsessed with the biography of Shirley Jackson, an American author I discovered after watching the Netflix series ‘The Haunting of Hill House’, a series which even though it is a departure from Shirley’s original text, it was nonethelss brilliant in my opinion in its fantasy depiction of domestic & familial horror.
I then started learning about Shirley’s life and work with the help of the channel Books and Cats on Youtube, which has plenty of videos on Shirley’s work and her legacy. I came to fnd out that domestic horror is the literary genre which Shirley spear-headed, and as a person who has had lifelong issues with emotional neglect and maternal control, her story and writing spoke so deeply to me, as if it woke up parts of my soul that lay dormant and needed some stirring healing. So I thought of composing this article after I finished reading “The Lottery and Other Stories“.
Photo of author Shirley Jackson and of her natal chart, created with the help of http://www.astroseek.com
At the same time as discovering Shirley’s work, I got drunk one night and called my mother. Somehow everything I had repressed in my relationship with her came spewing out of my mouth. Needless to say, I had an argument with her; this is something usual in our dynamic and it is hurtful each and every time, like putting salt on an open wound. My mother was hurt by her own mother so she ends up hurting me and thus we perpetuate mutual hatred on the maternal line.
I resist having children for fear that I may unconsciously continue this dreaded cycle of pain. After our fight, I fell asleep crying. The next day I opened my eyes and they immediately fell upon one of the books in my bookshelf as the light from the Sun outside was making it stand out. I bought a book last Spring and realized I forgot to read it. This book was Jeanette McCurdie’s “I’m glad my mom died”. I picked it up and could not put it down, since it spoke volumes to my current state of despair in my ‘bond’ with my mother.
Photo of actress Jeannette McCurdy and of her natal chart created with the help of http://www.astroseek.com
Although, I have no prior experience of being a child star, I could emotionally identify with Jeannette’s experiences. And I felt weirdly understood at the same time. These are some of the contextual elements which brought me in contact with both women’s reflections on their experiences and I’m going to use an astrological perspective to interpret these experiences to see if there is anything in their natal charts that shows that their mothers had to teach them some tough karmic lessons in order to make them into the individuals that they reluctantly became.
I will be drawing in my analysis from Jan Spiller seminal book “Astrology for the soul”. I hope this post will appeal to those of you who love the two celebrities but also may have the same astrological markers discussed. We know that Shirley had a co-dependant relationship to emotionally abusive mother from the letters she wrote to her but never sent. You can find out more about Shirley’s life from this video or by dividing deep into her Wiki entry. For Jeannette we obviously know a lot about her relationship to her mom from her best-selling memoir and some revealing interviews she offered the public after her mother’s death. One of the main things that attracted me to writing an article about these two women were the fact that they had problematic mothers and that they also shared a South Node in Cancer / North Node in Capricorn destiny.
When analyzing the destiny of a NN in Cap it is important to check the sign, house & aspects made by the person’s natal Saturn (as Saturn is the planet presiding over their NN since it is the traditional ruler of Capricorn). So we see that Shirley (a Sagittarius Sun and Ascendant with a Moon in Leo) has a Saturn in Cancer in the 8th house, while Jeanette (a Cancer Sun with a Moon conjunct Mars in Taurus) has a Saturn in Aquarius in the 7th house; these are too highly relational houses, denoting problems and blocks on the path of loving and being loved, trusting and being able to create intimacy. Saturn, astrology’s great malefic, parked in these houses for life also denotes low-quality relatives and issues of money and painful duty being deeply intermingled with parental care.
Although the gals have the same destiny as their nodes are similar, they are ‘living’ out this destiny in specific ways as shown by their dissimilar Saturnian placements: for Shirley it is emotional & maternal karma (Saturn in Cancer) while for Jeamette it is group-based & self-awareness karma (Saturn in Aquarius).
Their Saturnian placements are furthermore, amped up by their lunar nodes, those parts of the natal chart that describe the growth potential and destiny of someone’s life. Here is what Jan Spiller has to say about NN in Capricorn/SN in Cancer individuals:
“Capricorn North Node people need to find a focus beyond their scattered emotional needs and those of people around them. When they bring themselves into alignment with a higher principle or spiriual belief , they feel protected and nurtured. These people excel at being “the boss” (…) To achieve success in any area, these folks need to be “in charge” of their own piece of the puzzle. When things don’t go as they want, they overreact emotionally, subconsciously hoping that others will see how upset they are and change their behavior. But other people perceive this as a means of controlling and are unwilling to modify their behavior just to appease these natives (…) These folks are extremely sensitive to their own emotions and those of others.” – p. 400-403
If we take a brief look at their astrological placements we can see that Shirley is a Sun in Sagittarius with a Moon in Leo and a Sagittarius Ascendant; not only that but she has a whooping 8 planets and points in her chart in Fire signs! That is a considerable amount of passion and lust for life that had to be kept under wraps due to the presence of a watery and maternal Pluto in Cancer, the marker which shows that her destiny (South node in Cancer) was bound to her relationship with a dominant mother figure who worked on her emotionally (Pluto in Cancer).
On the other hand Jennette is a Sun in Cancer with a Moon conjunct Mars in Taurus and an undetermined Ascendant. She is a member of the so-called Millenial generation, being born with a Pluto in Scorpio. What I found interesting, and what binds the destinies of these two women together is not only the fact that their power lies within their emotional healing as both of their Pluto placements are in Water signs but also the fact that they both have a South Node in Cancer & North Node in Capricorn – the quintessential marker of a person who is meant to gradually and irrevocably separate from their mother figure and find their own financial success by overcoming hardships, limits and the many temptations of their own basic instincts.
I know it’s considered childish or a sign of having a weak character for blaming your parents, and especially your life-giving mother for all the problems in your life, and I agree. Life as an adult will show you many times that in order to move forward with it, you’ll necessarily have to get ‘childish’ and explore your past, your roots and pluck what is rotten in order to prepare the ground for fresh growth. It’s an unnerving and often frightening psychological process of coming to terms with parts of yourself that are exactly like what you are criticising in your mother (you know that old saying that every daughter inevitably ends up turning into her mother, and this clichee begins to feel eerily familiar once you reach your late 30s).
Again, I want to let Jan Spiller speak on behalf on this nodal placement’s complicated family dynamics:
“Capricorn North Node people have a hard time letting go. They are very sentimental and they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. When they start to leave a situation, even if its clearly not working, they get depressed – so they tend to “hang in there” until their realize deep down that there’s no hope. They do all they can to make the relationship, the job, the situation work. When their survival is threatened they will leave; but they will be much better off letting go before the situation escalates to that point (…) Their whole world revolves around their family and they expect the dynamics to be reciprocal. But more nurturing from family members, usually isn’t forthcoming – it’s just not set up that way in this lifetime (…) Capricorn North Node people need to let others know what the rules and limits are, and then stick to them unflinchingly (…) These folks must learn to stand behind their word. Their commitment must be stronger than their fear of upsetting the other person.” – p. 406-409
Of course, one thing to keep in mind is that we all know about Jeannette & Shirley because they managed to face their fears & succeeded to a large extent in growing into their NN in Capricorn. They are more or less willingly fulfilling the “take charge” requirements of their destiny and this is how a Romanian astrologer like myself got to hear of them and their lives: through their work & their stoic and scary reflections on family life. Think about having this kind of reach & influence in your own life, if you happen to have this nodal placement and are struggling to embody it. Decide today to set goals & take charge & see where the soulful journey takes you.
And don’t worry for you shall be blessed. As the SN in Cancer/NN in Capricorn individual has to integrate their mother’s wounded energy to become the father they wish they had themselves. One exercise I like to do to integrate this maternal/paternal healing energy is to pray not only “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost”, but also “In the name of the Mother, the Daughter and the Holy Body”. Amen.
“ The individual is driven by his personal crises into deep waters which he would usually never have entered if left to his own free will. The old idealised image of the Ego has to go, and its place is shaken by a perilous insight into the ambiguity and many-sidedness of one’s own nature.” – p.79, E. Neumann, Depth Psychology
When Pluto, the planet of Rebirth and Intensity, reaches the Nadir (also known as the Imum Coeli or the root portion of a birth-chart) it begins a soulful and emotional transformation that has the potential to change the relationship of an individual to their environment. Individuals experiencing this transit are becoming increasingly aware that surrounding reality seems to be shaped by what they feel and how much they feel it.
The Imum Coeli, translated from Latin, literally means ‘the bottom of the sky’. You may encounter some astrologers refer to the IC as the Nadir, another obscure term defined by the Oxford Dictionary as: a) (in astronomy) the point on the celestial sphere directly below an observer; b) the lowest or most unsuccessful point in a situation. In a 2014 article on the reputable website astro.com, Polly Wallace describes the IC as poetry in motion and in the following way: “Definitions of Imum Coeli include the lowest heaven and a literal translation as the undersky. Such evocative phrases conjure up a sense of the IC as a territory in its own right (…) As the undersky, the IC is always hidden. It stands like the portal into a mysterious zone. The realm of the lowest heaven is vast; it encompasses all our past(s), all the detail of our origins and our roots – and all our secrets. It is another world, an inner world, experienced on a level as profound as the deepest darkness of night-time and of winter. Like the earth below our feet, this realm is the fecund darkness where seeds germinate, where roots develop intricate and enduring networks.”
I guess you can imagine what darkness is unleashed in the life of an individual when the farthest and most intensely contested planet of our solar system meets with the most mysterious and hidden point of the chart. But this darkness is unseen to others, it is private and known only to the person affected. Contrary to other places in the natal chart, the 4th house describes interiors of many different kinds, and what could be more interior to a person than their psychology, their memory and their soul. I am personally becoming more reclusive since this transit has begun. I feel the need to sleep during the day and stay active at night. The soul is awake at night and I feel its power so strongly at the moment. I am so driven to read, write, watch movies and draw – I do these things to understand my drivers and patterns, so I can remake them. I do these things because I love them and they make sense to me. Reality and daily living seems harsh and belligerent, devoid of meaning and I push myself to be in my own ‘bubble’ by wearing noise cancelling headphones. But more on my personal experience with this transit in the middle portion of this article. Let’s get back to the traits of Pluto’s movement conjunct the IC and inevitably on the cusp of the 4th astrological house.
Unlike Venus, Pluto has no delicate finesse. It acts like a sledgehammer, especially in the debut of a transit, the first months up to a year when it switches signs. The theme of its transit is brought up suddenly – like a punch in the stomach – all of the emotions that have been repressed, overwhelming the psyche of the affected person with memories, patterns, unresolved wounds and chaotic emotions are suddenly out on the table. It takes the next decade to work through them, and as the work is performed a deep, personal transformation occurs. Then at the middle point of a Pluto transit, the rebuilding begins and slowly what was once dark and hopeless turns into light and passionate love. Throughout the entire duration of that Pluto transit, the individual will have to do the deep psychological work of organizing their messy psychic content, discarding what is now dead and useless and continuing to nourish what remains vital and alive inside of them.
If one can deal with these emotions and work at understanding them, then their immediate reality will begin to mirror their hard-working inner world and a state of attuned harmony is reached after some time. However, if one allows themselves to be drawn into a whirlwind of emotions without comprehending them, if one begins to live more intensely in the past than in the present, becoming complacent in the struggle with the forces of the unconscious, then there is potential here for one’s worst nightmares to materialise and for a mental health condition to completely take over one’s life.
Either way emotional transformation and confrontations with core, wounded aspects of our largely unconscious Self are necessary for personal growth. Most importantly, the main theme of any transit to the IC is reflecting upon or establishing a sense of personal safetyin the world again.
The sign or constellation that Pluto travels through will also determine the way in which emotions and past memories are unleashed and how the individual will work at integrating them. As this transit happens it will also end up affecting the home, the immediate and private environment of an individual. For most people and in most charts, the IC lies in the 4th house, the house ruled by the Moon and the astrological sign of the celestial Crab, which symbolizes the protective shelter in which we regroup our forces.
What Others are Saying About this Transit
To prepare for this article, I read extensively whatever I could find on the topic. First of all, I turned to Steven Forrest’s seminal text “The Book of Pluto” and found this beautiful and psychological interpretation of the meaning of the 4th house:
“the fourth house is the “House of the Home”. In most modern astrological texts, it is interpreted in more psychological terms, as the house of the inner self, the feelings, one’s deepest archetypal roots (…) Every human who has ever lived possesses a fourth house. Translated, we all to some degree have a need for ‘family’ – a word we must use broadly to mean a set of unquestionably secure social relationships. Loyalty and lifetime commitment are the critical notions here, not blood kinship. Depth, often unspoken depth, may possibly develop in these bonds, but it is less central. Roots, a safe haven, a place to let one’s hair down – these are the crucial concepts (…) To form clan and hearth with other human beings is the ultimate act of trust. Due to your wound, you may turn away from it, taking refuge in your own self-sufficiency (…) “If I really opened up, they’d be too shocked to handle it” – that’s often the belief at the roots of this particular navigational error. Even more fundamentally “There’s something horrible and dirty inside of me” (…) Your navigational error, if you succumb to it, would be to live the life of a ghost, with your fire, intensity, and vision removed from your biographical life while you went through the motions of existence. And, regardless of outward appearances, at the psychological level you would live the life of a heartless, homeless person.
– p. 79-83
Some people describe this Pluto-IC transit as the midnight of the Soul. As Lynn Hayes writes: “It shows the psychological legacy from our parents and ancestors that submerges in the unconscious until activated, usually by transit of a planet to that point. This is the point at which we enter the underworld of our own internal psyche, turning inward to meet the essence of who we are in this lifetime.”The Raw Astrologer describes this transit in such a perfect way as Pluto invading your personal space and beginning to chaotically and disturbingly recreate your family life, your home and your sense of security.
This placement can have a beautiful side-effect and that is coming in touch with the Plutonian imagination which can be vast, intense and mystery-increasing. As Anne Whitaker describes in her account of being born with such a placement, that in her childhood: “My ‘real’ life – eating, sleeping, going to school – was incidental to my inner life which was full of what I felt were the really interesting questions: why are we alive, where do we go after death, do we live on several planes of existence at once, what is happening in other galaxies”. In addition, June from Saturn & Honey writes that this type of Pluto transit is a family curse-breaker: “4th house Pluto means staring the truth of one’s early life or longer-term family history in the eye and choosing not to continue the pattern, committing to change. Let the ways of the past end with you.”
Over at Little Golden Age blog, and in a short post which contains a good amount of personal experiences with this transit, actuallyjessica writes on surviving Pluto: “I quite literally hope that I survive. I realize that many people don’t ever experience this kind of astrology, so I’m trying to extract the lessons, tear down the old bullshit, transform my powerlessness into wisdom and turn my lump of coal into a shiny diamond. If you, like me, are deep in this Pluto business, I hope you find your way through the darkness to bright new days.”
Pluto conjunct the IC (the bottom of the sky) means that Pluto is also in opposition to the Midheaven, as Peter Holm from Holm Astrology writes: “when the home and family are being affected in our lives and security wavers, it may be due to demands from the MC, which deals with one’s status, occupation and ambitions (…) The IC and MC, particularly in early life, depict incidents linked to the parents which in turn will affect the child. This parental influence on a child, shifts as we mature. The influence widens in such a way that we are no longer just influenced by the parents that dictate our lives, but we are also now affected by an extended version of the family and our place in the overall structures of life.”
Finally, for a really comprehensive description of this astrological placement and transit, Astrology by Jo offers a description of the IC as being the one to set the feeling tone of our upbringing and the soul’s inheritance. These deep parts are what are illuminated and transformed by Pluto. One can find their root power under a Pluto conjunct the IC transit, but before the moment of intense breakthrogh comes the pressure-cooker build-up. Let me exemplify with a brief account of the last two years of my life (2024-2025), as Pluto gravitated between 29th degree of Capricorn and the 1st degree of Aquarius and encircled my IC.
My Personal Experience
Initially I felt invaded by this energy, and it felt like against my will the structures in my life which I had worked so hard to build, started moving and shifting in dangerous ways. I went from suffering constant auditory pain in my household, to waking up with the bleakest moods I’ve had in my life, to visiting my dad decaying on a hospital bed, to having shouting matches with my mother, and being threatened with violence by neighbours. The upsides of this energy, have been reshaping my career to do a training in Jungian analysis, expanding my social family by adopting two more cats from the street, and realising the meaning that alcohol had in my family’s life and bypassing ‘a need to drink’ by sublimating it into drawing and painting again.
In the final months of Pluto in Capricorn at 29 degrees, I began to obsess over anything related to the home, to protection and to securing the boundaries of my daily living experience. Just shy off my 36th birthday, I bought an apartment in March of 2023 with my lifetime’s savings. What had initially felt like a wish come true, soon turned into a nightmare. I came to realize that while my place was cozy and practical, it was surrounded by problematic individuals and part of an environment which I had considerably underestimated under the spell of my first-time buyer’s excitement. I am not a financially wealthy being, and actually the wound of poverty is the strongest marker in my personal chart (see that Saturn in the 2nd house placement).
To me, owning a home, even if it was a small flat, was a very important aspect of breaking through ancestral patterns of women being denied the right to property or having money to buy their homes, and thus finding self-empowerment and safety. Dazed as I was by finally finding a place that I was able to afford in crowded and expensive Bucharest, I had not realized I was trying to sleep in a hornets’ nest. And there can be no true safety in such an environment.
Across the road from my apartment a highway was being finalised and when I moved into the place in March, I had no idea that roadworks would last until the end of November of that year. I lived for months with loud drilling noises, made worse by the fact that the building next to mine also was being enveloped simultaneously as the highway – something damaging happened to my nervous system during that period, the repercussions of which I still have to live with. Over the summer of that year, the neighbourhood turned into hot mulch, and the air was toxic due to the dust in the air.
Even with the windows closed, the surrounding noises were unquenchable, especially since I was hit with another issue: my next-door neighbour was prostituting herself to the workers in the neighbourhood and would place loud music on her subwoofer, every time they came to see her to drown out her moans. To make matters worse, often these men would knock on my door, as the doors to the flats were so close to each other.
As summer burned outside, the inside of the building was littered with garbage and we lacked an Intercom, so strangers were freely entering the building to get drunk or high on the staircases. One night I got woken up by the sound of a man snoring loudly as he had fallen drunkenly asleep near my door. And to top it all off, one of my neighbours from two doors down across from mine had frequent psychotic breakdowns in which he would dress as a woman and threaten to jump out the garbage chute or paint the hallways with crayon and other bodily fluids.
Whenever I would leave my home I was equipped with a pocket knife, pepper spray and ready to record any interaction coming my way. I felt like walking through metaphorical ‘trenches’ and distracted my attention by making my indoors look cozy and warm and by taking care of the neighbourhood’s stray cats. By taking care of the vulnerable I was also and indirectly sending out a cry for help: ‘Would someone take care of my vulnerable Self?‘ It took me a while to understand that this elusive someone had to also be me.
All these interferences and frights made me crave safety in life like never before, but as the planet Saturn resides in my 2nd house, I am deprived of experiencing it in this lifetime, unless I put in hard work to obtain it. Interestingly, just when I thought I had figured out the deeper meaning of the 4th house in astrology, I began reading Wanda Sellar’s book ‘Introduction to Decumbiture‘ and was struck by how often she associated the 4th house with ‘the grave‘. This terrified me at the time, as I imagined my own sudden death, but in turns out that this death took someone else in my family, the parent I was attached to the most, my father. Most of us will have this Pluto to the IC transit happening somewhere in our charts and part of the reason I am writing this article is to help prepare some of you for what may come and how to read the energies that could emerge in your life, disturbing your peace, home life and emotional foundations.
I eventually (and reluctantly) ended up selling my flat in February 2025. Even writing this sentence is sending me into a slight panic attack, which tells how I continue to be emotionally attached to this idea of a place as a container of my sense of safety. When in reality, these disruptive events that are causing me to move home so frequently are trying to help me cement the understanding that I am actually the home I am looking for, the home I idealise and crave to own or to build. It is inside of myself that this feeling of safety, of belonging in the world, that needs time and nurture to root and sprout, to grow and expand until I end up feeling safe as a state of being. The root of this feeling begins in my past and is reconstituted in the present through my body and my relationships to others, it is with these two aspects that I need to make peace, by relinquishing a sense of guilt, shame and fear and learning to trust more, to be gentler and to flow.
After I sold the flat, I moved into a rather old-looking apartment, a place in desperate need of new furtnitue and renovation, with big windows and vast amounts of light. I was drawn to that exposing light and didn’t mind the old furniture because to be honest I was so destroyed at the thought of having sold my home that I’ve felt deep down inside that I somehow don’t deserve better. I wrongly believed I had failed at making a home. I sold what was so dear to me. I had given up. I accepted this weird rental with two-beds and linoleum flooring and a kitchen that was tiled in the same style like a sanatorium because I felt sick, frail and somehow self-punishing.
The strangest thing is that the week that I moved into this intermediate home, this purgatory flat, my father died. Two months later a neighbour died. 4 months later, I realised my landlady was suffering from undiagnosed mental health issues that pushed her to cross my boundaries regularly & months later I moved out in a panicked state, right before Christmas after having an argument with her because she had begun following me. The same week I moved out, I also had sex for the first time after 4 years.
When the Scorpio man with beautiful blue eyes, whom I had the spend the night with, asked me “Why did you wait so long?” I answered “Because I was waiting to have sex with someone I loved. But in the meantime, I guess I got pragmatic”. On some level it’s not healthy to put off sex for so long as an adult, and a part of me felt that if I had sex maybe my neurotic symptoms will cool off. And they did, temporarily at least.
Thanatos and Eros, the death drive and the sex drive felt like two large psychological pillars that had marked my existence in the weird limbo-flat in which I stayed for most of 2025. When I moved in, I witnessed the death of my father. When I moved out, I had a night of passionate sex with a stranger. I had ultimately chosen life, and pleasure and sex, which prompted me into a rebirth of some kind. I guess the duality had to be activated inside of me in order to believe again that I am worth more and that I deserve better. I am now renting a one-bedroom apartment which no one knowns the address of and I can’t believe how much I am enjoying this little detail. It’s a place with a dark red wall, just one bed, a place that feels somehow more solid, exceedingly warm and protected, although it is also on the pricier side. I sleep all day and stay awake at night to work in perfect silence. I feel balanced, because somehow, I had managed to jump into a new reality, and had left some of the pain behind. I go to therapy sessions on a weekly basis, analyse my emotions and dreams in a diary and create as often I have energy. Although, I am not sure yet what I am now becoming, I feel somewhat released of the birthing pains and pushed on the path of learning to walk again.
The Energy of this Transit as Shown in Films
Because of my recent experiences, I resonated so strongly with a couple of movies which portrayed the psychological transformations of 4 women. Each at a different level of their becoming, the protagonists’ struggle in their homes, mirrored some of my own intense emotions. I also found it remarkably healing to look at stories driven by women, which placed the themes of motherhood, desire, safety, loss and betrayal at the core of their cathartic decisions. And maybe this could serve as some interesting recommendations to understand the deeper meaning of a Pluto in the 4th house transit or natal placement.
In the following section, I will share my perspective on what the place of the home represented on an emotional and psychological level to the main characters in each of the movies I list below. Interpreting the symbolic meaning of a home is a good exercise in preparing for what is to come. However, understanding something may not inevitably protect you from it, but it will certainly help you feel like you are at least more aware of the wise implications of this energy, so that when it happens you are able to handle it and even – dare I say – enjoy it?
Similarly, when someone is aware that they are going through for example, a Saturn return then it is easier to handle it on a mental level, as you understand that tests, limits and hardship are inevitable. I find it fascinating how the movies I am drawn towards, as this transit is unfolding, are centered around the theme of rebirth within the space of the home. These movies show me that when other women go through intense emotional experiences (whether blissful or terrifying) their homes change with them, and in some cases are even exorcised by them. It’s also interesting to note that almost all of the movies I have chosen to discuss have female protagonists and in all of them something either creepy or erotic tends to take place (these being core Plutonic themes). In my description of the following movies, I’ll figure-skate around any spoilers in case you haven’t seen these movies, so you may safely continue reading.
Created in the final stages of the Pluto in Scorpio era, this movie features the magnetic Sharon Stone in such a vulnerable role that at the same time brings an electrifying edge, which only she can perform on screen. Her story begins with moving into a new condo in a weirdly shaped, futuristic building, reminiscent of the intimidating structure in High Rise. She has her reserves about this place (which she should’ve listened to) but is eventually convinced by the estate agent to give it a try. Little does she know that this will be a life-altering decision because not only will she become the fresh target of the building’s covert murderer, but also meet the man of her dreams. Again, the themes of death and sex, Eros and Thanatos are brought to life in this decision to move home.
The movie finds its thrilling bits in the way it keeps you guessing whether her lover is potentially the killer or not, but what really makes the movie fascinating to watch is the state of being under constant surveillance and seeing how this pressure cooker builds to a quick life-affirming denouement. I have to say that the soundtrack kind of sucks though, taking away from the eerie atmosphere of the movie, but her chemistry with William Baldwin is sizzling. As a sidenote, both of them are Pisces Sun actors, and I think I could write a whole different article on William Baldwin’s penchant for starring in erotic thrillers with awesome Piscean co-stars (see Fair Game for another example).
It’s clear by now that I’m a big Rebecca Hall fan, but this movie was surprisingly scary and also deeply emotional at the same time. I kind of sweated and cried with her, since the movie centres on a theme which unfortunately was something, I experienced as well in my life: romantic betrayal, then abandonment and the desperate search to understand the truth about the man you once loved. The really scary character in this movie, is this truth, which once brought to life, shatters the foundations of her sense of psychological security.
This rather flawed movie is at the same supremely atmospheric and carried for most of it by the ultra-talented Jennifer Connelly, who lights up the screen with her soulful performance. It’s also a supremely damp, soggy and wet film in which the environment is literally suffocated by leaks and spill overs, denoting the repressed emotions of the main protagonist, a single mother who in the wake of a divorce has to start life all over again together with her small daughter. She rents an apartment in a building in desperate need of refurbishment on Roosevelt Island in New York, finds a job and enrols her daughter in a new school. All seems to be rebuilding well, until her bedroom ceiling gets a strange leak that keeps becoming larger and larger with each passing day, and then her daughter befriends a girl who no longer exists. With its emphasis on loss, repressed emotions, ghosts, water, broken bonds, porous walls and the desperate seeking of safety in the figure of a mother, this movie holds such deep and obvious fourth house themes that it should be used as compulsory viewing material in astrology schools.
A once stable child psychologist with a family of her own, becomes agoraphobic and obsessed with the aparent murder of her neighbour from across the street – I guess you see how these two things clash, and from the tension of not being physically able to leave her flat the excitement of the film develops as well as the horror. On the surface level this is the plot of a movie that holds no punches in delivering the most gruesome fighting scene I have ever witnessed between a teenager and an adult on a rainy rooftop. but I won’t say more so as not to spoil the plot for you all. You’ll notice early on that the movie draws heavy inspiration from two classic claustrophobic stories that also happen to take place in mythical apartments: Rear Window and Dark Passage, and coincidentially two of my all time favourite films.
The place of living may not be a home for all, but it matters to us all as a vessel of psychological containment for our fears and worries, or what Jung called the ‘unum vas’, the alchemical vessel which holds matter and distils the soul, as we transform and individuate. The home as a shell, your personal safety coating against the harsh world and the perils of nature, or the home as a container of our psychological changes, the walls recording daily dramas, witnessing the unravelling of our private selves. In the home you are who you are, you rarely bring your Persona in and your Ego doesn’t seek the approval it normally seeks from other people’s public validation. So being ‘at home’ can allow the Self to emerge.
I always thought that if people were to know my homebody, ‘pyjama Self’ they would probably find it very different than my academic Self. Last year, in 2025, I dared to show others, with the help of my work on the Internet, this fragile, pyjama Self. I didn’t get much validation and approval, but neither did I get offense and rejection. I felt left to inhabit a limbo area of my Self, much like the apartment I was inhabiting. But I did move in a whispered way from exposing this vulnerable Self, to taking it within and protecting it. This is why I feel safest now, in a state of being ‘draped up’, of not existing during the day, but rather meeting and making friends with my nocturnal Self, my night being. My spirit animal is the sensitive and misunderstood bat and I am comfortable with that image, because usually right before a drastic rebirth you are meant to walk inside the darkest of nights for a while.
Nocturnal little animals You keep your mother up You watch the town shut down You watch the lights go off Shutters closing in the bars
Homes can permit or block the development of us as beings, for example, if you look back at your childhood home (or lack thereof). Homes can also be places to hide what we don’t want others to see, or places within which we hide in order to control the environment around us, to spy on the world that hurt us so much that we can no longer participate in life, like the Woman in the Window portrays so well.
Homes can be places within which desire plays out like in Sliver, birth may happen, diseases and death can occur, away from the prying eyes of strangers. We allow ourselves to be vunerable, soft, pliable in the home. Moreover, houses can be vessels to our memories, and haunted homes especially so, in that they can become a projection screen for parts of our unconscious mind that we have yet to come in contact with: those infamous skeletons in the closet, those darkened basements that house the unspeakable, those creaky floors, bedroom windows that won’t shut properly and those singing pipes, that threaten to burst when our emotions get the best of us but we bottle them up anyway, like its shown in The Night House and Dark Water.
What is left ‘un-homed’ is equally important to what the home represents. The space that is left when we outgrow a place and silently move on in life, leaves an energetic imprint. We leave traces of ourselves everywhere we have been and homes are the containers of these past, previous, ghostly selves, that we can no longer fit into. It’s a different way to interpret the sense of ‘horror vacui’ , which appears so frequently around abandoned homes and derelict places. This is why revisiting a location can feel so distabilising or why entering in a new place can also overwhelm us, because we come into contact with what has lived here in the absence, much like Steven Soderbergh shows in his haunting film “Presence”(2024).
And absoring that absence, welcoming the past self into the present, private reality we dispose of, can help us to create that elusive and transient sense of being ‘at home’, like it is so tenderly portrayed in a movie that managed to leave me in cathartic tears, as it deals with healing a father-daughter relationship through art, the poignant Sentimental Value (2025). Please go watch it, it will leave you loving.
In conclusion, I guess it helps to welcome the past, no matter how painful it has been, and to resist running away from it, as it will show you the way forward in life when you are going through a period of being ‘stuck’.
Ultimately, I understood that to feel safe in the world, no matter the location or place, is to feel safe embracing that haunted basement, those secret skeletons in the closet and that scary attic that have always been part of me. Like the goddess Hekate, I have to find a way to carry a torch even in the darkest parts of my Underworld, those places I didn’t dare visit while I was young because I was unprepared to take on the burdens of Eros and Thanatos, but that now as an adult are asking me to integrate them with courage and honesty into all aspects of the experience of being alive.
The spiritual goal toward which the whole nature of man strives is to rescue the light of consciousness…it is the sea to which all rivers went their way.
The final leg of this intense Mercury retrograde in Scorpio/Sagittarius reminds us that we are currently under a beautiful astrological configuration, brought about by the meeting of Jupiter in Cancer (at 24° 47′ degrees) together with Saturn (25° 15′), the North Node ( 24° 24′), Neptune in Pisces (29° 45′) and also Uranus in Taurus (29° 16′). These 4 massive planets of our solar system, together with the lunar nodal axis in Pisces/Virgo, are cozying up to each other within the span of 5 degrees and forming pleasant and harmonious trines and sextiles.
With so much soothing Water and Earth energy in the sky, the air feels thick with generative emotions, creating a fertile, spiritual ground for romantic ideas. But because Earth and Water romantic energy is often tinged with serious and rather heavy feelings such as melancholy, yearning, loss, sadness, possessiveness, forgiveness, and low self-worth, it develops a rather gothic and dark sheen.
Collectively speaking, it took us a while to get here after a year that began with considerable chaos and irritations (and I blame Jupiter in detriment in the sign of Gemini for that). At the beginning of this year, most of us felt lost, almost like we dissolved and had to let go of things and people we felt emotionally attached to. This loss created spaces in our hearts, in our minds and in our homes that are now being watered and replenished by the rich soil of new seeds, a life germinating with so much emotional potential. A life which awaits the simple spark of Saturn re-entering Aries in the month of February 2026 to light up. Until then, we have time to reflect on what exactly this year was, and I’m personally choosing to do so through the medium of film.
Saturn & the Bleeding Father Wound
I think it’s significant that from a cinematic viewpoint we began the year with big releases such as Nosferatu and are ending it with Frankenstein. The Zeitgeist denotes a growing fascination with horror in our collective, both in terms of movies, but also in the gaming world. Could it be that the realm of horror in art is helping us deal with our own crippling existential anxieties in a collapsing socio-political environment? We usually associate the Archetype of the Father with the spark of vitality, with the energy to overcome obstacles, to boldly face life’s challenges and to contribute to society. But as society and social norms are dissolving right before our eyes, is our conception of the protective and all-encompassing Father Figure also crumbling?
Much like it was gorgeously shown in Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein, are we left with hunting the monsters of our own psyche, placing upon those on the fringes of society the monstrous qualities of our unintegrated, collective Shadow? Is this why it feels so difficult to exist as a non-conformist, sensitive and creative person in a global village in which everyone thinks the same, looks the same and feels nothing?
If masculinity then appears distorted in our collective unconscious do we transform it into something perverse or perhaps expect it to be perverse? Because things usually exist in pairs, then we cannot speak of a ‘perverse’ or ‘distorted’ form of masculinity haunting the collective without shedding light on its opposite: the higher-minder, redeeming image of man, as a defender, protector and spiritual guide. This is why we may have these counter-trends proliferating in the collective at the moment, being swept over by both religious fervour (see Rapture Tok) and smutty satisfaction (see Werewolf Romances or Biker Tok). There’s a lot more to say on this topic but I’ll let Jungian Analyst and prolific fairy-tale collector, Marie-Louise von Franz explain the psychological tendencies:
People of all ages needed an inner guide to help them overcome life's trials. This need has prompted people to see in certain individuals, gods or deified inspired personalities, the personification of all the skills they are looking for. When people are confronted with this impulse, the father archetype often appears, bearing the image of a deified or god-like counselor. - p. 255, Archetypal Symbols in Fairy-Tales: The Profane and the Magical.
So, at present, are we choosing (more or less consciously) to worship a Demonic Father, a Destructive God which imbued with our own unacknowledged heavy feelings, has the power to obliterate us? Are we then seeking redemption through destruction? And how do these collective energies in which we exist daily end up affecting our behaviours, especially our gendered attachments?
Some Uranus in Taurus Witchcraft
For me, 2025 started with a trip to the local movie house to see Nosferatu, a movie I was eagerly waiting for. Stuffed in my seat liked a tinned sardine with a big crowd in a room that was hellishly warm because the air conditioning was not at full capacity on that cold January evening, I was too distracted to enjoy the movie by the bickering couple sitting next to me who had also berated me for not sitting in my proper place (aka the one I bought the ticket for). Nonetheless, I loved the movie! The dark aesthetics lingered in my mind, as well as that unforgettable, final scene, symbolic of the painting Death and the Maiden (see first image of this post).
After the movie, I came home and felt a sudden and overwhelming urge to take a bath. But rationally I told myself “No, don’t take a bath, because you are during your period at your day with the highest flow and you will literally bathe in your own blood if you do”.
Stupidly enough, I listened to reason and learned to regret it, because I woke up the next day with a severe cold that locked me in bed for the next 3 days. After I recovered, and being an impressionable Pisces, I felt that somehow the dark and evil nature of the monster portrayed in Nosferatu was somehow “stuck” to me and made me feel physically ill. I did some occult research and discovered that bathing in your own blood is actually a protective strategy that can help someone let go of the slimy energetic strings that were attached to her through the malevolent evil eye of others (or in my case, the bad vibes of the bickering, dramatic couple sitting next to me in the cinema). Menstrual blood is especially powerful, as it contains both death and the seeds of life alongside with the protective energy of the discarded uterine lining.
The entire experience was yet another lesson in learning how to trust and listen to my insights, visions and intuition. For a while after that, I was kind of afraid of re-watching Nosferatu because I associated the movie with getting ill and did not want to repeat the experience. Nonetheless, I decided to face my fear and saw the movie once again, at the end of August this time, projected onto the barren wall of my bedroom. Alone, in stillness, only disturbed by a cool breeze from the summer air wafting through my room, the slow sound of traffic and the crickets outside, I finally enjoyed the movie. I also did not catch a cold or argued with strangers and I saved my pocket money for candles and crystals.
Just as a sidenote, having lived through a lot of things in life and travelled extensively, I generally recommend solitary experiences to collective ones. Solitude truly is a gift and we should learn to value it and appreciate it more. That being said, this post is about love 🙂
Or better said, it is about romance and the way it blends with love at the level of our unconscious dark fantasies under this blissful astrological configuration covering the months of November and December of 2025.
Jupiter, the Quirky Dark Romantic
When two of the planetary giants of our solar systems (Saturn and Jupiter) find themselves shining through two of the most sensitive, soft and romantic Water signs, a deep rollercoaster of emotions is unleashed onto the collective. Socially, we find ourselves at the mercy of attachment triggers, insecurity hot-spots and conflicting emotions. Much of the anger we get to experience in the collective, has at its root a terrifying sadness and fear of abandonment.
Despite, their romantic nature, sweetness and adaptability, Cancer and Pisces can be the bringers of great suffering and pain in their lives and the lives of those they come into contact with. This happens when instead of understanding, accepting and mastering their emotionality, they succumb to it or they repress it (by pushing what they feel deep in their unconscious), thereby fuelling their Shadow Selves. People who succumb to their Shadow and live governed by their unconscious desires, become that very thing that they fear: the monsters, those with a great capacity for harm and psychological damage.
Since Jupiterian matters are simultaneously light-hearted and yet filled with rich meaning, I need to say a couple of words here about the wonder-fest that Lisa Frankenstein is. I discovered this Diablo Cody creation this year and have already seen it thrice, I just love it so much! Flipping the script on the male-dominated plot of Frankenstein, this movie has a certain unique, camp charm combined with female ingenuity on the background of an 80s synth-wave trip. The plot revolves around strange Lisa who lives with her father, her step-mom and step-sister in a sleepy, suburban neighbourhood. Her life is marred by a gruesome event that traumatised her childhood and makes her rather reclusive. She takes her social awkwardness and fantasizes in a bachelor’s cemetery about her ideal boyfriend while dabbling in some light witchcraft.
Then on a stormy day she accidentally brings to life a young noble-man who zombies his way to her house to profess undying love to her. He is disabled and smells awful but his heart seems in the right place. To make him human-looking again she has to come up with some creative ideas, and thank God she knows how to sew! Chaos ensues in the sweetest and most psychotic way possible, and I guarantee you will find it hard to guess the ending.
The fascinating thing about Lisa Frankenstein is how her rage and overall teen angst is somehow projected onto the Creature, who ends up putting into action her murderous intent and sadistic fantasies, especially geared towards her borderline step-mother. By falling in love with her, the Creature somehow redeems Lisa of her lowest desires and darker feelings. Their weird, beyond-the-grave love has therefore, cathartic properties, reminding us (again, from a flipped gendered-perspective this time), that love has the power to quench rage and transform death into life again.
This is a delightful movie, considering how low on romantic outputs the past few years have been in Hollywood. I also love the trend of 80s inspired dark romances and slashers. Inevitably, this movie sent me thinking of Totally Killer, a movie I added to this year’s Halloween list of recommended frights.
Neptune or When you Love the Monster
Judging by the rising popularity of creepy, dark romance content on Book Tok, I think it can be said that this year, under the wounded and distorted, paternal energy of the Saturn-Neptune conjunction and Chiron in the sign of Aries (which I wrote about in a previous post), we are all unconsciously processing our strained relationship to men and masculinity, and especially to our fathers, the first men we loved.
Increasingly, it seems that the fine line between the sado-masochistic content of personal fantasies is pervading the collective, who find enjoyment and liberation in stirring up social discoussion around these darkly, ecstatic experiences. This is also driven by greed, a typical manifestation of Uranus in Taurus energy, because what is taboo, forbidden or mysterious usually sells really well.
Nonetheless, I wonder what this form of dark consumption is doing to our psyches in the long-run? Like a Halloween Bacchanal taking place in the privacy of your home and on your phone’s lit up screen, a gallery of perversions and dehumanising acts are misinterpreted as sexy and romantic to rather cringe-worthy heights. Could this be a marker of our sexual appetites changing or of a collective call for desensitization brought about by the transit of emotionally detached and freaky Pluto in Aquarius?
In all honesty, I’ve also been consuming this year a lot of analogue horror content and I began listening to heavy metal. With Jupiter’s transit into nostalgic Cancer, and at my therapist’s request, I started looking for ways to consume the pent-up rage I have been feeling towards my mother in the wake of my father’s death. Taking walks at night-time, drawing monsters and shadow figures, cursing people who harmed me and listening to heavy metal were such sublimation strategies to process my anger. And I admit that as time passes, these sublimation strategies are working and I felt lighter. My mind is also remembering the background to my teenage years, mired in the foreboding sound of bands like System of a Down, Korn and Slipknot. Paradoxically, hearing men scream feels like they are screaming for me, in my name, in the name of the soul inside of me grappling to catch light again.
However, using creepy symbols, scary masks and war paint, dancing and shouting were also survival strategies our ancestors used when faced with the dark forces of disease and violence. Sometimes you become scary when you feel at your most vulnerable and are frightened yourself. As a protective strategy – you become that which you fear in an effort to push back on the energy crossing your boundaries and consuming your identity. This is where the fathomless creatures of Neptune, the God of the Sea, rear their ugly heads, in the realm of dreams and in the silent waters of our inner emotional reservoir. We sometimes reach down inside this fantasy realm to gather the strength to fight the beasts surrounding us, whether human or imaginary. And sometimes to overcome the darkness, we must become it, this being the behaviour encouraged by the camouflaging tendencies of Neptune, domicile in the sign of Pisces.
Recently in the second season of Wednesday, we’ve seen the overt conflict between Tyler and Wednesday, as it is now revealed that he is indeed the Hyde and therefore highly dangerous. Tyler is locked away in an asylum, seething in his rage at being betrayed by the Addams family prodigy, he once felt so attracted to but also attempted to murder. Although both Tyler and Wednesday are exploring their difficult attachments to their mother figures in this season, the overall feeling I had while watching the narrative unfold is the terrible weight of loving somebody who is overwhelmed by their Shadow, to the point of having a monstrous alter-ego.
From a paternal point of view, I also found it interesting that Tyler’s father is ashamed of his son, while Wednesday’s father is proud of her. Could this psychological resource determine the boldness that Wednesday shows in directly facing Tyler in Hyde form, the monster she loves? (it is to be assumed that love is involved, since Wednesday so obviously displays psychopathic tendencies which normally inhibit affect).
Although Tyler is the one in visible chains, Wednesday is the one having to deal with the emotional repercussions of loving someone monstruous, someone who consistently helps her and also harms her. But this tendency exists inside of herself too. Underneath her amateur detective Persona, Wednesday harbours towards Tyler the simultaneous desire to help him while also fighting with him.
In general, it seems that in the absence of meaningful myths to guide us we have been seduced to fall into the cesspool of dark fantasy images produced by contemporary culture and social media. It could be an act of creative absolution to reclaim myths and fairy-tales that align with our values and personal identities and use these as meaningful shields against collective dissolution, meaninglessness and cheap thrills. Maybe experiencing dark romances or exploring our Shadow aspects in love connections, could be the liberating way forward, where instead of pressuring each other into unsustainable, positive ever-afters, we process our pain and wounding into powerful and energy-giving, romantic transformations.
Happy Halloween! If you’re like myself, alone for Halloween and need some cultural stimuli to pass the cold, dark hours of the night then I’ve got your back with this post. Here is a mix of genuinely frightening and gently spooky resources which have proven to be oddly comforting to me in this period. Sift through them and perhaps you will find something that has a chance to become your latest obsession.
The topic of witchcraft is probably the most over-used Halloween theme of all, but in this movie it is handled in such a strange and innovative way, through the medium of a classroom of children who dissappear one night, leaving the members of a small suburban community to rage among themselves as to where they could’ve disappeared. Reminding me a little bit of the weird tension contained in the movies “The Sweet Hereafter” or even “The Leftovers“, this movie doesn’t contain the same emotional depths but it is eerie and highly watchable, entertaining and in equal parts brooding. I loved every minute of it! And Amy Madigan’s interpretation of a part witch/part clown madwoman is masterful.
After watching ‘It follows’ and really being pulled into that movie more than I would have imagined, I can safely say that Maika Monroe is slowly growing on me as a scream-queen presence. Different from that movie, the evil presented in Longlegs is bone-deep frightening and not necessarily related to sexual diseases. What makes the evil in Longlegs so suffocatingly awful is that it’s not something you can prepare for or defend yourself against, as it is all-pervasive. It’s also an interesting tale about appearances which can be deceiving: Are your parents good, kind people? Are you actually safe in the house in which you grew up for years? What determines a family member to turn against their own? And what would you do if Evil wants to strike a deal to keep your child alive?
Aside from the rather funny and dramatic make-up that Nicholas Cage is clad in, throughout the entire movie, the story is not really about him but it is about what drives him and uses him. It’s his passion for bonding with the darkness that sets the story alight and the lead detective is merely someone waking up to a truth that is so harsh and shocking that it destroys whatever security she ever felt in her life. It’s also a well-filmed and perfectly executed movie, which lingers in the mind. I slept with the light on, the night that I saw it.
I wouldn’t have imagined that a movie about zombies would make me cry, but somehow this understated European movie did exactly that. In its original depiction of dead people literally rising from their graves and coming back to life during a hot summer day in a non-descript Danish city, this movie is strangely grey, heavy and also weirdly funny in parts. The brilliant Renate Reinsve creates with very little, such an emotional atmosphere around her relationship to her undead son, that by the end of the movie my face was soaked in tears. All, I can say is that I agree with her difficult decision which the movie ends on, and I hope I that I’ve made you curious enough to watch it now.
Since we are still on the topic of small, understated, atmospheric movies that induce subtle chills, I felt like including the debut feature film of Icelandic director Helena Stefansdottir in the list, a little movie called “Natatorium”. The kind of evil present in this movie is subtle and it feels familiar, domestic even. Very much in line with the tales of Shirley Jackson about the family being the epicentre of some truly horrific thoughts and emotions, Natatorium shows the viewers what happens when a family member has a dark ‘hobby’ that she can’t get enough of, a hobby that can be both purifying but also murderous. In certain circumstances, keeping your relatives at arms length can be a life-saving decision and this movie brings this point home like none other.
If you are looking for a vintage thrill, then I suggest a dive into the film adaptation of Ray Bradbury’s book ‘Something wicked this way comes’. It’s a sumptuous and well-acted piece that has a big heart at the core of it, that being the relationship between a father and his son, laced as it is with guilt and redemption. The Devil is a showman in this story, and he rules over a spooky circus storming into a little American town during a period reminiscent of the Great Depression. As the Devil does its best to fulfill everyone’s deepest desires at a cost, ghosts from the past also begin to emerge and haunt the lives of the townsfolk. The cinematography is really beautiful and the special effects, although incipient for that time-period, are not that bothersome. On the same note, if you want to explore the “creepy circus” theme a bit more in-depth, then I recommend the heart-breakingly disturbing series “Carnivale” (2003-2005).
This one is not so much a frightening watch, as it is a ruthless one. I was completely surprised by this awesome movie, involving colourful and spunky scenery and pretty sarcastic dialogues making fun of the Gen Z, Millenials and Gen X divide. I also love to finally see Kiernan Shipka’s talent utilised well (after the fiasco that the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina sadly was), but she really pulled her strength in this one and gave one of the best performances of her career so far (in my view). Although the movie is pure 80s nostalgia (remember a time when people didn’t have smartphones to interact with each other?!), the killings are pretty brutal and they happen at such a rapid pace that it keeps things interesting and …well, thrilling. You should definitely give it a watch, if you are more of a light-horror/thriller fan. Oh, and there’s also time-travel involved.
From the cut scene that ushers you into this game all the way to its sad denouement, Nightmare Frames is such a treat, in terms of story and character portrayals. The dialogues are interesting and often sarcastic, the twist in the plot is kind of unexpected, and the atmosphere is split between the sunny vibes of the 80s Hollywood scene to that of a creepy, rain-afflicted, poor town in the middle of nowhere, in which the haunting elements of the game really come to life. I felt like I was playing two games in one to be honest, much like how our protagonist is split between his real life and that of the stories he builds in his mind through his scripts. I played this during a hot August weekend with the curtains drawn over my bedroom windows and made such a cool memory of the whole experience. Highly recommend.
I have never resonated with a game more than with this creepy little cozy game, that appeared in my life during the summer of one of my deepest depressions. Losing my father this year was a shock to my system that kept me crawling through the last months, devoid of the pleasure of doing anything. As I was healing, I felt increasingly drawn to horror movies, dark tales, murder mysteries and crime thrillers, as if to balance out or maybe to reflect in the exterior my crippled inner world.
When I stumbled upon Welcome to Elderfield, it was like that moment when I discovered Stardew Valley in 2021 and my life changed for the better! I dedicated countless hours of my life playing that chill game as it lowered my cortisol in the morning while I had my coffee. But I could no longer enjoy playing Stardew Valley this year, as all that sweetness and positivity felt like a hoax seeing as I was at the mercy of raging emotions and dark thoughts. So finding the twilight equivalent to a farming RPG was right up my night-striken alley.
The game also began blending with my reality, as I found farmer Hans a comforting presence like my father’s ghost, the tentacled creatures that attack me in the game the same as all the people billing me during a time of economic crisis, the zombies attacking me in the spooky mall, very similar to mindless shoppers bumping into me on the streets of Bucharest. Welcome to Elderfield feels to me like waking up to a world of horrors that I gradually had to adapt to and make some sort of weidly beautiful sense of. This game means so much to me and I highly recommend that you try it out, at least for the awesome soundtrack that it comes with, if not for the story or the excellent atmosphere it brings to the table. I cannot wait for this game’s full release and also for Concerned Ape’s “Haunted Chocolatier” too!
TAROT & ORACLE DECKS
Lastly, I wanted to share with you some of my favourite divinatory resources. As a tarot reader, I like to celebrate Halloween or Samhain by using these decks: 1) Ghoulish Garb’s Terror Tarot, a deck composed of delightfully drawn major arcana cards; 2) the Horror Oracle, a deck I received as a gift from a subscriber, and was pleasantly impressed to find out that it depicts classic horror movies; 3) the very cute and colourful Halloween Tarot (get the tin box edition, for extra ASMR appeal and a sensual experience when you unbox and shuffle); and 4) the one with the most spiritual potential, especially at it can help one confront their Shadow Self, this is the Deep, Dark and Dangerous Oracle, an incursion into creepy mythological Archetypes. I’ve been using it with my clients for a while now and it always gives us something special to think about during each reading. And last but never least, I need to mention the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle, which is already a cult classic in the spiritual community and it ignited my love for this holiday.
That’s all from me. Remember to eat some pumpkin soup, drink cinnamon-flavoured coffee or have a hot chocolate with some spicy chilli, record the dreams you have during Halloween night and sit and have a meal with your dead ones, honor them by their name and light candles next to their portraits on a home altar.
Movie still of Rebecca Hall as Margaret from Resurrection (2022)
I think by now it’s obvious from the content of my articles, that I have a soft spot for intense individuals who border on the insane. I’m fascinated to see how people cope with duress, with the challenges life throws at them, and most often the pressures that they place upon themselves. I think this is why I have always been attracted to psychotherapy and I’m actively involved not only in my own healing but in that of those who I am fortunate enough to cross paths with.
In 2025, I randomly saw a large number of movies which involved dark, intense and rather disturbing topics. I think I was drawn to them because it was a way to safely and creatively experience my own private wrestling match with some dark and heavy emotions. It’s as if what I was feeling inside was spilling over into a warped, emotional reality, enhanced in its dream-like quality by my viewing of so many movies. I blame the transits of Saturn and Neptune for putting me in this state, and while I understand that there is an underlying logic to this sullen cosmic energy, I still cannot bring myself to enjoy the process. Around May of this year, when dad died, I started sleeping during the day and getting up around evening time to then sit all night and watch movies, read, cry and pray.
I lost so much this year. Despite my resistance, 2025 vacuumed me of pleasure, joy, hope and faith. I felt in equal parts, shame, guilt, intense anxiety and despair. Some days I struggled to get up and when I did, I was struck by how pointless doing anything was. I often didn’t know what to do but to put on a movie with my projector, curl up in a foetus position, sip cold, black coffee and see the stories of people whose fates are worse than mine.
During a couple of such sedated days, I got a chance to watch two rather niche but equally powerful movies. I saw Resurrection (2022) with Rebecca Hall directed by Andrew Semans, and Antiviral (2012) with Caleb Landry Jones directed by Brandon Cronenberg. I personally felt like I couldn’t shake these movies off of me, long after I finished watching them. The first movie made me weep so hard as the credits rolled in, and the second was more of a mindfuck that made me press replay, just so I could understand what I had just watched. One thing I knew for sure was that the impact of the stories I just saw was exactly what I needed: a cure for getting out of my life and my wounded Self; a fascination for trying to understand two fictional characters with fucked up fates. I felt suddenly inspired…
Both movies display difficult subjects. In Resurrection, an abusive ex returns to torment a woman who just managed to build a better life for herself, but for most of the movie you find yourself doubting her sanity rather than believing that the villain’s comeback is doing any actual harm. In ‘Antiviral’, an employee working for a high-tech company is obsessed with a celebrity to such an extent that he injects her diseases into his body just to feel close to her.
The movie posters for the two films I discuss in the article
Antiviral is the debut feature of Brandon Cronenberg, the son of famously weird Canadian director, David Cronenberg (who created Existenz, The Fly, Dead Ringers, Crash etc.) Compared to his father’s work, I find Brandon’s movies to be unique and mesmerising, but even more ruthless and clinical than David’s movies are. if you are to consider Infinity Pool and what a distorted ride that movie was. I guess it’s just the astrological difference of their solar imaginarium, seeing as David is a Sun in Pisces and Brandon is a Sun in Capricorn.
Coming back to Antiviral, I have to say that I really liked the idea which was a direct critique of our obsession with celebrities, amplified as the story was by the excellent acting. Even if the movie was engrossing, certain gory scenes could’ve been better polished if not altogether scrapped out; also, the movie did lack a certain empathy and emotionality. On the other hand, Resurrection was so tightly controlled and filmed that it made you feel slightly claustrophobic, thereby matching the viewer’s complicity with Margaret’s own palpitating and overwhelming emotions. I think I’m saying that this latter performance made me feel more, while the first experience was intellectually interesting but too clinically delivered.
Superficially speaking, I think that what mesmerised me so much about both of these performances is the fact that we are looking at two flawed but also gorgeous people who were filmed with such a dedication that it felt their connection with the audience almost became tangible (for example, at a certain point I am pretty sure I was more familiar with Rebecca’s snot and sweat and Caleb’s bloody gushings more than with my own bodily fluids).
Movie still of Caleb Landry Jones as Syd March from Antiviral (2012)
Antiviral doesn’t pack an emotional punch like Resurrection does, a movie at the end of which I felt shattered seeing how simultaneously soulfully free and yet physically condemned Rebecca Hall’s character, Margaret, was. In Resurrection the psychological unravelling she experiences as a result of years of cruelty and gaslighting was masterfully done. The entire movie rests heavily on Rebecca’s acting chops and mad presence, at least up until the point where she shares a couple of scenes with Philip Roth and you feel your blood curdling in your veins as you witness their back and forth and find out what traumatized her this much that she is losing control at the mere sight of this small and insignificant man.
Since these were two tough viewing experiences, demanding a lot from their audiences – even if the acting was so unhinged it was close to perfection – I was vibrating with curiosity to look into the natal charts of both Rebecca and Caleb and see if there were certain energies they disposed of which made them gravitate to these stories. You may be aware that we tend to play out the inherent astrological energies we contain inside, through the work that we do. Actors and performers in general do this in a very visible and public way, which provides countless study cases for interested astrologers to explore, seeing as the world of film – or the land of Neptune – is a giant projection screen for what lies within.
Let’s first look at Rebecca’s chart. Born on May 3rd 1982 (age 43 years) in London, UK, Rebecca is a Sun in Taurus and a Moon in Aries. You can see her birth-chart below:
Her Moon is conjunct Venus in her fall in Aries, her Taurean Sun is conjunct the Wounded Healer asteroid, Chiron, while her destiny points are a South Node in Capricorn (her comfort zone) and a North Node in Cancer (her growth area). With a witty and domicile placement of Mercury in Gemini and an almost perfect conjunction between her natal Neptune and Lilith (the Wild Feminine asteroid) in freedom-loving Sagittarius, this is a woman who can think for herself and someone who gains her sense of freedom in life through martyrdom, escapism and acting. Although her fierce core brings a lot of determination and grit to the table, while her Saturnian comfort zone makes her a natural stoic and professional, what really gets her to gravitate towards harrowing tales and emotionally-intense roles is her natal Jupiter in Scorpio and that North Node in Cancer, placements which tell me she just finds so much joy and pleasure from bringing to life twisted stories and exploring deep emotions.
Catharsis, rebirths and life-and-death experiences are her happy place. In addition to this, with a stellium of planets in the beautiful, relationship-prone and justice-driven sign of Libra, involving Saturn, Mars and Pluto she is a force to reckon with, both on screen and outside of it. As a sidenote, her husband is a fellow actor: Morgan Spector, a Sun in Libra man whose solar energy touches upon Rebecca’s stellium in Libra, letting me know that their relationship is anything but easy but it can also be quite hot and stubborn in its longevity and perseverance.
Now, let’s explore Caleb’s chart. Born on December 7th 1989 (age 35 years) in Garland (TX) in the US, Caleb is a Sagittarius Sun with a Moon in Aries, as you can see below:
Caleb was born with a Jupiter conjunct Chiron in Cancer (a marker for painful success or fame that wounds the soul), a South Node in Leo and a North Node in Aquarius, and what is perhaps the darkest and most fascinating part of his chart comprising of a close conjunction between Mars and Pluto in Scorpio (further enhanced by a nearby Lilith) and a stellium in grounded and restrained Capricorn. Having just one of the Saturnian or Plutonic energies can severely weigh down and intensify your chart, but Caleb has them both! His Capricorn stellium includes the planets Venus, Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Mercury. With Saturn almost perfectly conjunct his Neptune in the sign of Capricorn, he is an almost walking-and-talking embodiment of the collective energies we are at the mercy of in 2025, a year which is marred by the conjunction between these two giants of our solar system and the ensuing chaos that they are creating in our lives.
Although Caleb’s Saturn is domicile – which means that it functions better than the current Saturn in Pisces transit – and some would argue that his Venus is not conjunct his Saturn because it is so far apart by degree, but being in the same sign makes the planet function in a similar way. We see here the roots of intense emotional deprivation and a need to mask it with toughness, rules, rigidity and calculation – similar traits he displays so well in his character, Syd March from Antiviral. His energy is further darkened by the stealth ruthlesness and volcanic desires cloaked within the Mars-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio. No wonder that more recently, he starred in Dracula: A love tale (a dissapointing and unwatchable adaptation, in my view).
One thing that stands out is that both Caleb and Rebecca share in common a Moon in Aries placement. Aries, being the first sign of the zodiac is usually associated with new life, vitality, lifeblood and the forceful rebirth of Nature after the dead of winter. When Aries energy exists in the Moon position of a native, this primal fire energy works at a deeply unconscious level, and it is somehow softened but also even more subtly powerful as it pervades a person’s complete aura and sense of being, especially when they rest and relax. Here is how astrologer Donna Cunningham describes this lunar position in her book “Moon Signs: The Key to Your Inner Life”:
Aries is the best Moon sign, at least according to those who have it. They have to be the best at nearly everything they do – otherwise it ruins their whole day. They’re not always aware of this instinctive competitiveness, for the Moon’s traits are often unconscious. Nonetheless, Aries represents the urge to be out in front of the pack, so many Aries Moon natives display outstanding leadership and pioneering abilities. Active and vital, they’re easily bored by routine and want to be busy all the time.
— p. 142
It’s fascinating that these are not the only two creepy roles that Caleb and Rebecca decided to take on, since I still have on my watchlist The Listeners and Nitram; the first movie is about a woman hearing strange noises no one else can hear and the latter about a man who committed a massacre in the 90s, a script based on a true story. I also need to say that I loved Rebecca in the Night House, but I am saving my thoughts on that movie for an upcoming post on Pluto and 4th house matters.
The crux of this article is basically just me saying that as a depressed Sun in Pisces woman who struggled to get out of bed and continue to live this year, getting in touch with the work of two Moon in Aries performers who literally electrified the screen with their presence and passion for their craft, woke me up back up to life.
So, if you are doubting your energy and your work, please don’t. The way you are and the effort and passion you put into your craft and into your work can be so important to someone out there, in ways you may not even be aware. Inspiring a resurrection, passioncan literally bring people back up to life, as it tends to be highly infectious… and against this type of infection, I don’t think we need any antivirals.
A Google Gemini generated image showcasing the Gods Saturn/Cronos (left) and Neptune/Poseidon (right)
I have been trying to finish this article for a while now, but I find myself so depleted of energy that what I set out to do when the day begins, becomes undetermined by night-time. I find myself going from one extreme of energy to another: either completely drained and bed-ridden, as the weight of the world suddenly crushes upon me, or filled with energy but having to move through so many tiny obstacles that by the time I resolve them all, I am depleted of energy again. As a consequence, my usually prolific creative output has been low and inconsistent, and maintaining my passion for work has been a great problem. I feel both a sense of dread and an upsurge of excitement for the future.
I’m sharing this with you now because what I am experiencing is the felt reality of the great Saturn and Neptune conjunction, and I want to focus in this article on this specific cosmic energy. The reason this planetary configuration is affecting me to my core, is because I was born with a Sun in Pisces at 29 degrees (the anaretic, misfortune degree) in my 5th house (the seat of pleasure, divinity and passion) and a Jupiter in Aries at 4 degrees in the 6th house (the house of service work and daily routines). Therefore, the Saturn and Neptune movement through the final degrees of Pisces and the first degrees of Aries throughout 2025 and the Spring of 2026, is nestled right in between my Sun (energy and vitality) and my Jupiter (faith and growth), stunting them both. To say, that I am perceiving life as some form of prison of solitude is a minor understatement at the moment, and is conducive to a number of ailments I find hard to cope with. By writing about this experience, I reach out through the divide and feel less alone, less abandoned and sick.
The timeline
More broadly speaking, August 2025 is a very special month, marked by the retrograde movement of 4 planets (Saturn, Neptune, Pluto, including crowd-favorite Mercury, due to a retrograde through Leo) and more importantly it features the great conjunction between Saturn and Neptune, currently in the creative sign of Aries, moving around 0 and 1 degrees of this sign. Some astrologers would disagree in relation to the perfect conjunction of these two celestial spheres; some argue that only if two planets touch the same degree are they in perfect alignment, while others consider anything between 5 degrees of closeness a conjunction. Disenting voices judge the conjunction by the presence of planets in one specific astrological sign. I am of the latter group, and as such I want to bring out the importance of the month of August 2025, and then February and March 2026 for the great Saturn-Neptune meet up.
What is a conjunction? A conjunction is defined by Heather Roan Robbins as: “Anytime two celestial bodies conjunct – meaning they dance close together – they first work together and blend meaning and purpose, then begin a new cycle in their relationship”.
A Google Gemini generated image depicting the planets Saturn (left) and Neptune (right)
The present conjunction sees the blending of the energies of two of the least rational signs of the zodiac and involving the least compatible planets of our solar system, and this brings with it overt conflict and internal pain. The fact that the flowing, mystical and illusory energy of Neptune is meeting none other than that of the pragmatic, disciplined and separatist Saturn, is a symptom of tension, but what makes the conjunction so hard to bear is having to wake up daily to feelings of despair, pessimism and despondency (after all, Neptunian or Saturnian folk are not known in astrology for their cheery optimism).
In the battle of the giants, one wants to dissolve limits and merge with emotion (Neptune), while the other wants crystal clarity and harsh boundaries (Saturn); one wants to fight & win (Aries) while the other forgives and is letting go (Pisces). All the best and worst qualities of these 2 zodiac signs and these two planets are currently emerging into the collective in confusing and chaotic ways, guided as they are by rebel-rousing motor of Pluto in Aquarius. Pluto is stealthily working to change society through shocking moments of pain and outrage that amplify our collective awareness. None of these energies is tender or loving.
With the first movement of Saturn into Pisces in March of 2023, a temporal cycle was activated which embraced the loose movements of Saturn and Neptune through the last sign of the zodiac (Pisces) and the first sign of the zodiac (Aries), alongside Jupiter’s (for a brief period in 2023), Chiron in Aries and the North Node /South Node axis crossing through Aries and Libra in 2023-2024, and now through Pisces and Virgo. The preparatory ground was therefore created for their almost perfect encounter in the month of March 2025, when Saturn in Pisces was at 24 degrees just as Neptune in Pisces at 29 degrees was ready to switch into Aries.
Following on from that brief tete-a-tete, we are now spectating their full-blown tango as the first two weeks of August 2025 sees Saturn at 1 degrees of Aries with Neptune overlapping. From the 17th of August onwards, and due to its annual retrograde, Saturn wil begin to slide back into 0 degree Aries and then officially back into Pisces on the 2nd of September. Saturn will stay in Pisces until just short of Valentine’s Day, on the 15th of February of 2026.
This means that whatever concerns and themes you are riddled with in July and August of 2025, they will make a comeback in full-force (as the planets will be direct) in the last two weeks of February and throughout most of March of 2026. As a sidenote, I will turn 39 under this auspicious sky on the 20th of March of 2026 and God help me, I hope to survive this transit since Saturn can bring illness conducive to death and my health has been in shambles under this conjunction, so far. The conjunction can also bring a sense of victimhood and delusions of contempt based on being of service to society but never been valued for it, so keep your victimising tendencies in check.
To recap, the baseline dates are: March 2025, July-August 2025 and February-March 2026. As a brief exercise, look back across the last two-to-three years of your life and see if any significant events took place during these months, as a way to foretell what areas of concern in your life will become activated next year in Spring again. For me, it’s my work and professional path, my relation to the public and my legacy, as the Sun’s transit throughout March and August is illuminating my 6th and 10th astrological houses. Whatever gets activated by the Saturn and Neptune conjunction will be set on fire by the Sun’s transit and next year promises to be pivotal since the final conjunction of Saturn and Neptune will be in a weird aspect to the Sun in Pisces loosely conjunct the North Node in Pisces.
It may be that events are more intense and impactful the more planets and points you have in the signs of Aries and Pisces in your natal chart. If you have none in these signs, then consider any Libra and Virgo placements, as these are opposite signs of the zodiac wheel and the Shadow zones of Aries and Pisces.
Personal Characteristics of the Saturn-Neptune Conjunction
La Miseria (1886). Cristobal Rojas
I’ll begin by sharing with you, some personal things I noticed in relation to this Saturnian and Neptunian energy, the cycle of which began to be felt from March of 2023, when Saturn went ingress in Pisces.
Irrespective of the many problems this transit has brought into my life (the worst of all being my dad’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent death), I feel privileged enough that in my position as an astrologer I get to experience first-hand the effects of this once-in-a-lifetime astrological cycle. Some of the things I will describe below have been things I personally have been going through but also what I have noticed among my family members, work mates and clients.
The biggest theme seems to be that of illness, an illness that can lead to positive changes in your life or to having epiphanies during victim-like, trance states. Being put into a position to suffer, however difficult, can be exactly the pathway forward in life. If you refuse to feel your pain you get stuck in a weird limbo until you bravely accept to feel all of your uncomfortable feelings. By undertaking an emotional ordeal you not only heal your heart and relieve some of the physical symptoms they may be causing in your body, but you also reconnect or (for some connect for the first time) with divinity, a sense of a higher being watching over you. Your suffering therefore has a purpose.
In addition, I also noticed that things break down or are in need of fixing and repair, in a state of flow. Like a wave crashing onto the shore, a problem appears in your life needing resolve. One thing is resolved and another problem appears that requires immediate attention and effort, just like another wave crashing onto your life shore.
There is also a pervasive feeling of needing to work to survive, but work is chaotic. You may not know exactly towards what specific goals to work towards or where to put effort into, mostly because you may be feeling like your work does not yield results or it gains you an sufficient income. Even worse, the circumstances that offer your work some structure are falling apart right before your eyes: a flood destroys your factory, the company that employs you is merging with another or goes bankrupt over-night, you can’t seem to fit your skills into any job description, your work becomes redundant due to updates and innovations, etc. Moreover, the work effort necessary to achieve a specific goal is disproportionate to the task at hand or the tools and the materials needed to accomplish it, because there are constant updates, repairs and improvements.
To add to this, nothing is as it seems and you may be feeling like you are living under a perpetual state of dreaming, which often feels good like a sedative and other times it can quickly morph into your worst fears and transform your reality into a night-mare. If something initially looks terrifying or unappealing it is most likely a flash in the pan; while on the other hand, if something is appealing and beautiful it is most likely a mirage. Illusions of the mind abound and as such, mental health issues are on the rise. Waking up to reality can feel like taking a cold shower. What is a good opportunity can turn into something awful and what is a difficult path to walk on, can prove to be easier than imagined. It helps if you find courage to feel your fears and do what is right anyway.
To add to this, we collectively experience a need for boundaries, for some form of control or regulation that establishes fairness. Individually, we may feel that only with discipline can we succeed in these uncertain times, but all of these tough desires seem to evaporate as soon as practical implementation begins. Schedules change throughout the day as people change their minds or fall in and out of conscious awareness, and the paradox is that the changes should be welcomed rather than resisted because the outcome will be much better for everyone involved. The part that requires some work is the one about needing to cope with the uncertainty and the delays caused by such readjustments, and here is where practicing flexibility becomes a way of life. Much like that old saying the reed that bends the wind cannot break, or something similar…
Probably the worse side-effects of the Saturn-Neptune conjunction are the physical ailments that multiply when emotions are overwhelming. The body parts mostly affected are the skin, the feet, the eyes, the head, the circulatory and the nervous systems. In terms of astrological body archetypes, these are the organs and biological components traditionally under the rulership of the sign of Aries (the head especially) and Pisces (the feet).
There are also frequent sleep disturbances and problems with drinking water and keeping hydrated: wanting so badly to sleep but having your sleep interrupted by other people’s activities (noise pollution especially and auditory hallucinations), then not being able to fall asleep because of all the things you are thinking of doing. Living within such altered mind states makes us more prone to consume narcotics to self-sedate and achieve relaxation at all costs, even at risk of dissociating from reality.
This then creates a mixture of deep fear and excitement but one that is not conducive necessarily to sexual arousal. In terms of sex, there are mixed feelings about it: either too much or none at all; either complete disconnect from the sexual impulse and reverting all the energy into creative work, or being suddenly overwhelmed by horniness and not knowing what to do with it. Masturbation can prove difficult to complete in the absence of imagination. You may need the fantasy as well as the physical stimulation to reach an orgasm (with or without a partner).
And lastly, I noticed some changes to the process of manifestation. Once needs to imagine the path and the action in order to understand what the next logical steps are. If you wake up and feel listless and confused as to what to do with your day, rather than jumping outside and engaging in any form of activity just for the sake of it, sit back for a couple more minutes and imagine your next steps. As you prime your unconscious mind with a conscious dream-plan, actions and activities begin to emerge organically, as if you are moved by something unseen on the path to achieving your goals. It is a soft and yielding process of allowing your subconscious mind to guide you in the direction of manifesting some powerful desires rather than making logical plans and sticking to them with the discipline of a field marshal (hint: it’s not going to work).
The more you try to impose control and restrictions to how you go about getting something (or someone), the less likely you are to actually see your desires become reality. Instead, adopt a Yeats-ian approach to living, something akin to what he wrote in his poem He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven: “I have spread my dreams at your feet / Tread softly for you are treading on my dreams”. Softly, slowly, messily, sensitively, build in flexible bursts of activity. And when you run out of energy (which may happen sooner than you think), rest and dream your next steps.
Interruptions to your plans are also possible due to distortions of speech and thinking, such as believing dreams and fantasies are real, and witnessing as the boundary between the real and imagined is frequently broken and in need of rebuilding. To feel real, check with your body, the only solid thing you actually own in this world. Delusional socialization is prevalent under this energy so forming and maintaining new relationships will be excessively tricky. This is why solitude is fruitful and benefic for living under a Saturn and Neptune transit, because you can sense and hear your inner voice and intuition better when you are not distracted by another person’s energy.
We are generally more sensitive to energy as this transit unfolds, and it’s crucial to be aware of and to interpret emotional cues from your body when interacting with other people. For example, if you bloat around a certain person, chances are you are being lied to; if your chest warms up as you feel drawn towards someone than that person is helping you in your spiritual development.
Reflecting on the recent events of this summer, I think I can safely conclude that a tight Saturn-Neptune conjunction also has a lot to do with the creation of cults, since Saturn offers structure to religious rituals and beliefs, which fall under Neptune’s jurisdiction. However, and because Saturn is considered a malefic planet with a limiting energy, the cults which are created are giving religion a bad reputation, increasing the fears that many people have of believing in God or of practicing any form of organized religion. Saturn can indeed materialize what is divine and Neptunian, but it may also sully and dirty up the spiritual energy which Neptune unleashed into the collective, especially when Saturn is in an incompatible Fire or Water sign, like it is during the 2023-2027 era.
To wrap up I would say that the best consequence of this transit has been gaining keen insights into the world beyond the veil, or the realm of ghosts and those departed. If you use the Saturn-Neptune conjunction to harvest the power of the increased sensitivity to hearing and to actively listen, you can develop a greater capacity to foresee. This increased capacity to divinate usually gets activated once you do something pragmatic or physical: like after a work-out, or after you clean up your house, and often after you eat something.
Finally, and the least important but the most noticeable has been the fetishization of goods and a state of hypnotic and mindless consumerism provoked by them: from the Stanley Cup craze, to the long lines waiting to get a Crumbl Cookie, or the current trend of purchasing boxes of eco-wasteful Labubus, people are irrationally driven to consume as a replacement for purpose in their lives and a as a way to fill up the dread created within their souls by wave upon wave of disappointment, abandonment and chaos. Like a scared child clinging onto a beloved Teddy bear as his parents are fighting in the living room at night, we are collectively clinging to our ‘Labubus’ in an effort to find some comfort as we are overwhelmed by rising taxation, forced migrations, the threat of war and the lack of cessation of other world conflicts or being obliterated by the forces of nature.
It’s fascinating to see how the Saturn-Neptune conjunction is happening simultaneously with the Solar 25 cycle, which had space scientists forecasting a decade ago, that 2024 and 2025 will be harsh-weather years due to our Sun’s activity reaching solar maximum. In a truly weird, scary and wonderful way, we are literally being shown the true meaning of the saying ‘as above, so below’, as the Sun’s boiling super-energy is manifested on Earth in our crazed, social tensions. We are faced with the uncertain dawn of a new era of evolution, so of course, many of us are freaking out.
Views from Other Astrologers
St. Elizabeth of Hungary’s Great Act of Renunciation, 1891. Philip Hermogenes Calderon (1833-1898). Oil on canvas; 60 1/4 x 84 inches (153.0 x 213.4 cm). Collection of Tate Britain, reference no. NO1573. Kindly released on the Creative Commons CC-BY-NC-ND (3.0 Unported) licence. [Click on the images to enlarge them.]
To add some depth to this article and help you understand better the force of this transit, I thought of compiling some information I found in my astrological research. The month of August 2025 will usher in an opportunity that will help you finally see the path forward in your life, in that area that has been like an open wound since 2023. Whatever frustrated you and you had not clarity on, whatever you lost, will now be replaced and will provide an open doorway for you to pass onto the next level.
However, to do so you’ll need to fulfill the requirements of the one Rudolf Steiner named “the guardian of the threshold“, a spiritual energy which can be manifested in your reality as: a difficult romance, a tough and new workplace, a qualification you have to study for and earn, a relocation to a foreign and unwelcoming land etc. You will nonetheless get a chance to begin anew, and effort will be needed to support your pioneering dreams.
For example, here is how British astrologer Sue Tompkins in her book ‘Aspects in Astrology‘ describes the social landscape created by this great meeting of the gods of time and flow in the sky:
Society was feeling guilty (…) Saturn-Neptune seems to describe poisoning and, more generally, lessons around purification and refinement (…) Sometimes the issue is paralysis and a psychological feeling of ‘caving in’ and not being able to cope (…) Typically, Saturn-Neptune people are frightened of loss of control and occassionally fate seems to ensure that they literally have to relinquish some form of control in order to learn lessons of some sort of non-attachment (…) With these contacts the father is not attached to the world in some way (…)
The pattern of a missing or weak father figure, the ‘father’ who gets it wrong not because of what he does but of what he fails to do. A father who is not and doesn’t set himself up to be, the voice of authority (…) Guilt is very much a feeling that one might attribute to this combination (…) for the individual on some level often feels as if they are in debt for something and must continually be making reparation, paying a penance, often paying the father’s (or society’s) debts or avenging those that are indebted to him (…) Saturn-Neptune can be associated with renunciation (…) it is surely the combination of the ascetic. Indeed, the image in one’s mind is of a monk or a hermit (…)
Saturn-Neptune would seek a simple and uncluttered life, free of any kind of opulence and excess (…) At best, this is the combination of the practical idealist, the person who has an awareness of their own limitations and the limitations of the given situation but nevertheless works to make some ideal a reality in the concrete world.
(p. 240-243)
Indeed, I can personally vouch for the theme of the sick father (due to the overlapping Saturn-Neptune link with my Pluto on the IC transit, I experienced my father’s passing away this year). In addition, it seems that emotional severity, financial hardships and the theme of sickness is also reported by the Astrology King:
What you thought were safe and secure relationships, possessions, employment or general structures and patterns in your life may dissolve away, leaving you feeling anxious and depressed. In its higher manifestation, this transit allows you to make sacrifices and do without something to do good. You can help others or reach a particular goal. In the lower manifestation, a gift would be forced upon you to teach you a lesson about responsibility.
Whatever the case, this is a severe phase of life, and you will tend to see the worst and not the best in everything. Pessimism can get out of control; therefore, it is essential to do your best to avoid it. Negativity must be avoided because Saturn can materialize Neptune’s illusions or delusions. It is essential to take care of your health; now is a good time for a general check-up with your doctor.
Moreover, one of the astrologer’s I have been following for years and who taught me most of what I know in terms of relational astrology, the Bulgarian astrologer Lada Duncheva describes the Saturn-Neptune conjunction as a breaking down of illusions in one’s life and reminds us all of the fall of the ideology of communism when Saturn and Neptune met in Capricorn during the 1988-1990s era in Eastern Europe:
When Saturn and Neptune are together- like now and in 2026, they tend to burst illusions, deceptions and long going schemes. Neptune in Pisces was able to operate for many years under the table, leading to many deceptions, underhanded games. Now Saturn nearing it- it is time to bear the consequences, to pay the karma, to reveal the deceptions.
And finally, in an exhaustive exploration of the Saturn-Neptune conjunctions throughout history, the evolutionary astrologer Maurice Hernandez lays out some of the core themes of this epic transit and what it could manifest in the collective from next year, as both planets rejoin Aries:
A call for leadership, entrepreneurial or political. Fate can prompt a person to take the reins and step into positions of authority and command.
A boss or parental figure may go through a crisis, requiring care and adjustment. We may see those who once were in their prime exhibit tremendous vulnerability.
Accountability and ethical realignment. Unethical behavior may surface and prompt a person to take responsibility for possible misalignments. Conversely, the person with this transit prominently positioned may be the whistleblower, exposing unethical behavior.
The loss of meaning; losing the grip on what was once important or held in high esteem. Possibly experiencing a vacuum or emptiness until a new goal emerges.
A spiritual realization. Possibly the meeting of a spiritual teacher who will provide a new form of guidance or body of knowledge. Following the calling to lead a more spiritual life.
Adopting a new lifestyle and reinventing oneself in one shape or another. Depending on the house where the transit occurs, it may affect professional, relational, or academic matters.
Health vulnerabilities may affect adrenal function. Autoimmune reactions can engender inflammation in different parts of the body. This may be an opportune time to adjust our diet and get self-care support to sustain or increase vitality.
June for me is a month of recovery. A recovery that is necessary in the wake of May’s energy. This is because last month’s energy was something beyond what I had experienced in a long time, and this confession doesn’t come lightly since I was born a Plutonic and I am used to unexpected and strong doses of life’s intensity. Due to my karmic Pluto in Scorpio Rx in the 1st house placement, life had demonstrated to me several times that this is going to be an incarnation of extremes, of symbolic deaths and rebirths, and having to understand some of the deepest emotions. However, sometimes a certain period comes along which simply turns up the Plutonic heat up a notch. Like a square aspect of transiting Pluto in Aquarius to my natal Pluto in Scorpio, during Taurus season, for example…
For perspective, transiting Pluto in Aquarius is at the moment of my writing this article at 3’19 degrees in my 4th house; my IC (imum coeli or the bottom of the sky), the root of my chart is placed at 1’37 Aquarius. As a factual recap, the month of May of 2025 debuted with selling my small one-room flat and my moving into a 2-bedroom rented apartment in a safer part of Bucharest. A decision I didn’t easily make as I had to let go of the financial security of owning my place, but I gained the physical safety of knowing that at least, in this rental I will no longer be threatened with violent abuse by my neighbours, like I had been in my previous location.
Escaping into a safer neighbourhood was something coming for two years now and as difficult as it had been to decide on this move, I pushed myself into making it because of self-preservation. The heavy-heartedness, however, came along with me. Just as I was getting accustomed to this new place and thinking it was better that I was somehow closer to my parent’s place and could visit them more often, on the 8th of May my father died.
“…this process will serve as an excellent time to examine the impact of the individual’s early environmental situation as reflected through the parents, and for those who are parents, how they themselves have emotionally responded to their own children, family and spouse (…) It will now be necessary to change or eliminate all forms of emotional dependency and security that are linked to external situations. These dependencies and securities are in some way limiting further growth (…) This evolutionary time frame and experience can be very difficult because many people will feel as if the very foundations of their lives are being threatened and removed. Such an experience must occur so that the individual is more or less left with only his or her self to look at, to examine, and to depend on (…) For some people this process will be enforced through the loss of a job or career, a family member or someone close to them, emotional confrontations of an intense magnitude with family members or even the loss of the individual’s own life.” (p. 322-323).
Dad was cremated on the 10th of May and I found myself walking back from the Crematorium into a straight line back into the new flat I had just shortly inhabited. I crawled into bed like a slug and rested there for the next hours, feeling numbed out of my mind. I couldn’t cry. My body held on to the pain. It was familiar. It was a family thing to hold onto pain. I was simply being loyal.
What weighed heavily on my heart was the fact that on the morning of my father’s death, I visited grandpa’s grave – situated near my new place – and I placed a coin on top of it. I offered flowers and asked grandpa (my father’s father) to help my family out. Hours later, around midnight my mother called to tell me that dad had given up the ghost. I immediately thought of grandpa letting me know that he listened to my prayer…although I’m not sure, that was the resolution I had asked for, but I am in no position at this point in my life to have semantic arguments with ghosts. Grandpa helped. And this helping hand from beyond the veil lingers in my heart, as a life mystery left for me to unravel. I am not afraid of ghosts, but I am mortified of living a soulless life. So the problem I had to cope with now was: How do I continue to live on, when all I can feel is just how dead I am on the inside?
Dad’s departure happened right in-between Romania’s presidential elections, a period of two weeks of tumult as the population was faced with a pro-West candidate and a pro-Russian candidate. To say that the air in Bucharest was electric during those days, was an understatement. As the pressures kept pilling up on me, around the 19th of May – and after the results of the elections proved to be hopeful and progressive rather than medieval and destructive, I realised just how completely chewed up my nervous system had been. My body has started uncontrollably shaking after I took my morning shower and my hands were clenching without the possibility of relaxing them quickly. Only with controlled breathing was I able to physically ‘unclench’ and relax my body in roughly 20 minutes (which felt like an eternity).
In the final days of May, I was running from one doctor appointment to another to find some treatment for my nervous system’s temporary collapse and I was lucky enough to find the support I needed in a psychiatrist, neurologist and family doctor. The treatment my psychiatrist put me on helped smooth out my over-sensitivity to sounds and helped me feel more relaxed in my body. I somehow knew this wasn’t enough and that I had to do a bit more to get the pain through my body moving and to release it somehow. I started doing yoga and gentle stretches daily, while eating a consistent breakfast of porridge with honey and fruits and making sure I am drinking enough water each day.
I took at least 10,000 steps, and installed a tracker app on my phone to keep me to it. Each day this tracker would gentle nudge me to ‘get moving’ and then reward me by saying ‘you are getting better’, which felt like the kindest thing I could hear all day and exactly the opposite of how I was feeling. At night I worked, since work keeps me stable and optimistic and then I would watch a movie projected on the blank wall of my bedroom to take my mind off things. I would cry in the most public and inappropriate places, always surrounded by strangers and never near my mother or sister, the last two remaining members of my close family. It’s sad to write this but my relationship to them is not at all close, to say the least. I try, nonetheless.
“Psychological insights, bravely won, must penetrate down into core assumptions about yourself, and then be expressed publicly.” (p.263). He goes on to add that with this transit : “Your navigational error, if you succumb to it, would be to live the life of a ghost, with your fire, intensity and vision removed from your biographical life while you went through the motions of existence. And regardlessof outward appearances, at the psychological level you would live the life of a hearthless, homeless person (…) With Pluto in the fourth house, you heal yourself by becoming conscious of your woundedness…for you it starts with realizing the extent to which your ability to find, recognize and claim ‘your people’ has been distorted.” (p. 83)
Remarkably, the intensity I was doing my best to smooth out or diminish in my waking life, appeared once again projected through the movies that I gravitated towards in that month. One after the other, I saw four movies that were incredibly good but each in their own way, were also intense and haunting.
First of all, I saw ‘Sex, lies and videotape’ after I listened to antiheroines‘ insightful analysis on YouTube, about the disappearance of horny movies and the important role of emotional intimacy in making films feel erotic. I just loved this movie and if I was previously a fan of James Spader’s and Maggie Gyllenhaal’s chemistry in ‘Secretary‘, the unlikely attraction which existed between him and Andi MacDowell in Stephen Soderbergh’s film was much more subtle and sexy somehow.
Seeing as I was in a vulnerable state of chaotic sadness, physical pain and nervous irritation, I couldn’t believe that this movie made me feel something tender-hearted again. As if a whole new mindset was available to me, through psychological sensuality.
Still from the movie ‘Sex, lies and videotapes’
A couple of days later, the film player I used to watch the film above recommended another European movie called ’99 Moons’. This movie was filmed after the pandemic and had actors I had never seen before, so it was right up my alley. Heavily medicated, still broken-hearted but satisfied that I had completed my day’s work, I sat on my little couch to watch this movie which begins with one of the most random, brutal and unexpected sex scenes I had seen so far. I won’t get into details but I’ll just say it involved: a parking lot, a ski mask, something aggressively oral happening and two consenting adults, one of whom breaks down crying after their intense coupling. And it’s not whom you expect.
The curious thing is that ’99 Moons’ is a love story and the characters grow on you with so much ease that you feel shattered when you watch the surprising ending to the movie. I loved it because you get to see a completely different gender dynamic between two heterosexual characters, than you get to see in other erotic-themed movies. And the sex scenes are not at all vanilla or missionary, rather the opposite as most of them are female-led and unique but they always add to the story and the sensual intimacy between two people who simply were burning for each other across the years. This movie made me feel like it was worth bringing back to life, a part of me that once felt excited about sex and sexual pleasure…a part I had buried in April of 2021.
Just some nights into my treatment, and I was now continuously sad but I felt somehow horny as well, like the upper part of the body broke off from my lower region. I had to appreciate however that both systems, although apart, were trying to keep me alive and away from the darker thoughts…those thoughts I had of joining my relatives, of seeing my dad’s dead and peaceful face as flowers were thrown over him, thoughts which sounded a lot like: ‘What’s the fucking point in living anymore? He seems so calm, he no longer feels pain…I wish I could feel that’. The creeping feeling that everything was falling apart around me and I wanted to just stop breathing, so that maybe then the pressure will lift and my body will stop hurting so much in every little corner.
It felt like Freud’s concepts of how Thanatos nourishes Eros, which I first became aware of in college, it was as if they were finally being integrated skin-deep within my physicality. It was Pluto’s energy creating this cellular revolution through the way in which I was interpreting the events that happened in May of 2025 and the stories I was watching and unsuccessfully trying to escape into. The only thing these movies did was to push back upon myself the duty to live in my body and to continue to live on, no matter how painful the experience of living would get.
I remembered this feeling. It was kind of how I felt after watching a couple of years ago ‘Normal people’, just that that experience was devoid of the pain of thinking constantly in the background of my mind: “Dad is gone and I’m never going to be able to speak to him, and I knew that the last time I talked to him in January, after I argued with mom, that it would’ve been our last moment together, because I told him this and he just sadly starred at me…he didn’t say anything.”
A part of me, the child-part felt guilty for abandoning dad, while the rational part of me was aware that it felt like the force of karma worked through me, as I had done to dad what he had done to me when I was small and sick: abandoned me.
Armed with this sad mix of thoughts, I went to the cinema this time to watch an old Romanian movie with a curious title “Glissando”. A movie about a man obsessed with the portrait of a woman. Halfway through the movie, the plot dissolves into two streams, two alternate realities and the characters simply float into random and beautifully-shot sequences of events in their lives. It is a movie about love, memories and obsessions and it was gorgeous to behold and spoke volumes to me about taking it easy and just riding the wave of feelings produced by all the events of the month of May. I couldn’t control what was happening, but I could control my reactions to all these things. In that at least, I had some power left.
Still from the movie ‘Glissando’
I guess that the intensity of May was lived inside of my body between these two extremes of deep sadness – that I was trying my best to run away from – and into erotic creativity – a sensual healing I was hoping to find some sort of solace. It helped that May in Bucharest is incredibly fragrant, as all the roses and jasmine bushes blossom, and the linden trees unleash their aromas while the market boom with cherries and strawberries and honey melons. It gets warmer each night and clothes become looser and thinner and days become longer and slower.
In the background of this, I was tuning in and out of consciousness repressing feelings of sadness, shame and guilt. I slept throughout the day and was awake at night. Nature was so beautiful while my inner world was at war with itself and this contrast struck me. As if by magic, when I noticed the contradiction, the world around me seem to calm me down.
The last film I saw was also probably the most difficult to watch, due to the topic. I saw Denis Villeneuve’s “Incendies” on a random whim. I wasn’t even sure how I got to watch it… All I know is that since I moved into this new flat there have been some mysterious Middle-Eastern influences that I am still trying to shake off, which have been haunting me: from finding out that the previous tenants were Arabs, to randomly stumbling upon an Arabian perfume that I couldn’t stop thinking of, to listening to Habibi Spice on YouTube because his soothing voice helped with my nervous system regulation.
And then Incendies came along and I watched it and my jaw dropped and it helped me release a lot, because I cried my heart out. A week after, as I was walking through one of the largest literature events in Bucharest, Bookfest 2025, I felt drawn to a French-Arab publishing house and then saw the book “Incendies” written by Wajdi Mouawad – full circle moment.
Still from the movie ‘Incendies’
There are some other fascinating things about this new place I moved into, such as finding out from my mother that the shopping complex right in front of my window used to be a communist bread store in which my grandma (my father’s mother) used to work in and that it had a kindergarten attached to it, where I had briefly been to as a child. So without consulting anyone and after months of searching, I had unconsciously placed myself in May of 2025 in front of an energetic zone imprinted with memories from the 80s, when I was a toddler, and dad and grandma were alive and bread was rationed and we lived under a different political regime.
In that moment of realization, I suddenly felt immensely peaceful! I understood that although things aren’t working out as I would like them too, they are working out exactly how the planets are dictating, among which Pluto is the loudest since it has begun the process of changing my soul. I know that if I just stick with the wave of chaotic emotions, memories and symbols, I will eventually get a beautiful and shocking realization as to why things are happening how they are happening. Spirit will deliver meaning and all I need to do is ride the flow of feelings and intuition and pay attention to my environment.
And when the healing realizations begun and I was feeling a combination of illuminating thoughts and the mood-regulating treatment working, peace returned and my curiosity sparked again. During a particular difficult night, as I was wresting in bed trying not to cry again, I stumbled upon this video which although it sounds cheesy to admit, did a magical spell on my capacity to let go of fighting the intensity and simply giving in to it and accepting it:
I don’t know why I wrote this post, except that it felt cathartic to do it. I think it’s meant to be some symbolic and blow-by-blow account of how Pluto in Aquarius is influencing my inner world at the moment, as I’m struggling to make sense and interpret this energy. I’m hoping it may help someone at some point in time, who might find themselves in similar circumstances. As tough as a Pluto transit can be, especially in electrifying Aquarius, it can also offer rest, re-education and renewal. I think this article may also be a list of recommendations, because despite the sad which create the backbone of this article, the films & resources are pretty good and you may want to give them a try. Let me know what you uncover.
Let me tenderly start off by clarifying that I fucking adore Gena Marvin! And one thing is the core of my intense love for her, something that runs so thinly in society at large but oozes out of her as easily as she breathes, and that precious soul element is: courage. Gena has heaps of this rare substance called bravery, despite the fact that she appears as a soft contrarian, a vulnerable artist, someone who seems more of a passive masochist than a tough fighter. The martyr quality that emerges from her character is given by the fact that Gena was born a Sun in Pisces. By her birth name Gennadiy Chebotarev, a Russian artist born in one of the most unwelcoming places on Earth, Magadan, a remote city in Siberian Russia, known for its harsh winters, famous prison and strong gender normative culture, Gena is currently living in exile in Paris, France, after a lifetime of quiet resistance.
The other element of my intense love for her is that she is so creative. Creativity and courage when functioning optimally inside an individual result in the most irresistible charisma. This is the magical stuff of an individual who had to work at it, and unfortunately this work came about through withstanding intense violence and hatred related to her sense of self. Gena was born with a very interesting conjunction in her chart: a trifecta which involves a Saturn in Aries at a later degree conjunct a Jupiter in Aries at an early degree and in the heart of these powerful outer-planets, lies a Moon in Aries, a fire lighting the dark.
I have started this website writing about the painful karma of being born with a Moon conjunct Saturn so I won’t insist on the subtleties of this placement in this article, (it’s just important to know that Gena carries within a deep maternal wound), but I do want to focus on the loose conjunction between her Saturn and her Jupiter in Aries. This is an astrological aspect which usually denotes a lifetime of having the harshest tests related to one’s identity and then these are shortly followed by the biggest blessings. This punishment and blessing cycle brought on by Saturn and Jupiter, touches her emotionally in a very profound way (because of the presence of the her Moon sandwiched between these significant outer planets).
Alternatively, you could also see the Saturn-Jupiter astrological aspect as a lifetime of taking on tests and limiting situations in a willing way, and feeling the fear and doing it anyway. The pressure which Saturn stirs in the mix eventually eases into the most surprising growth and self-confidence, courtesy of Jupiter. And with the Moon in Aries left to do the emotional work, self-belief is the resurrection card. Through hardship, a link to the Divine within gets activated, much like in the martyr effect, or the idea that the more persecuted that you are the more your belief in the Divine is strengthened. Such beliefs fit with someone’s astrological energy when they have an abundance of planets and points in Pisces and Aries.
Here is how Sue Tompkins describes the Jupiter-Saturn conjunction: “Saturn will tend to define, restrict, restrain and add an element of fear to all those things we associate with Jupiter: namely faith, meaning, joy and enthusiasm. Jupiter expands, enlarges and increases the Saturnian principles of order, responsibility, discipline and caution. Jupiter and Saturn together usually yields great persistence, patience and perseverance. Nevertheless, this is perhaps the combination associated with solid material success, and the easy aspects especially seem buffeted in this area of their lives (…) The Jupiter-Saturn individual often craves, and frequently reaches, an influential and executive position in the world.” (Aspects in Astrology, p.227-229)
** I’ve generated Gena’s chart based on disparate and incomplete birth-information so the natal map above may not be accurate
To be fair, the whole collective has been soaked in these astral influences because since 2022, the transiting outer planets Jupiter, Saturn and Neptune together with the North Node and South Node axis have been touching upon the Alpha (Aries) and Omega (Pisces) of the zodiac, the first sign and the last sign of our equatorial constellations. We are all on some level having to let go of a part of our lives we grew attached to, in favour or staring anew and rebuilding everything with courage. Gena knows this process intimately, as her chart portrays such ending and beginning energies which she carries within and from which great creative ideas and potential spark out of. What I love about her is just how determined she is to keep pushing preconceived gender norms and to risk her physical safety as she does so. She inspires me to be less afraid to pursue my own self-expression, during a period in which most of our role-models and heroes are either strangely silent or dead.
I will admit that writing this article proved challenging. Especially because I can’t help gendering her, even when the whole purpose of her art and self-expression is to go beyond gender. Gena is trying to help us understand how to live outside of gender, in a very physical and practical way. The sumptuously filmed documentary about her life, her art and her resistance (and which inspired me to write this article), a film called Queendom, details the lived aspects of crafting an existence outside of gender and how painful, frightening and exhilarating the whole process is. I highly recommend watching it and if you do, please let me know if you manage to get Sevdaliza’s song ‘Human’ out of your mind. It still haunts me to this day, it’s so powerful.
I ultimately decided to include the ‘she/her’ pronouns since it appeared to me that in her artistic journey Gena moved from the masculine principle (within which she was born) into the feminine one, but without making her body’s transformation the core aspect of her journey. I see her message as being broader, and while deeply embodied and political, her story transcends the usual narrative of “the person who shifts genders and is oppressed by traditional gender norms in society”. Gena uses her body as a tool to subvert authoritarian politics in society. She advocates for courage and freedom, especially the freedom to dress as you please and to express who you are without fear of violence or being excluded from the benefits that other gender-confirming people enjoy in society. Her protest is not just queer and concerning identity but it is also political, as Gena is actively and dangerously resisting being part of the populist collective that advocates for war and the domination of other countries, much like we are seeing in the ongoing Russian-Ukrainian war.
Simply existing in the world, especially as a woman and then as an artist, as a creative force is seen as threatening at the moment in time, as something that needs to be controlled or treated with corrective violence. And this medieval mindset has long expired and has to change. The hopeful silver-lining comes from the strangest of places: the symbolic rumbles and metaphorical earthquakes brough about by Pluto’s transit through Aquarius, which has already begun to create social chaos in order to consistently normalize what has been seen as ‘weird’ or ‘outcast’. Give it a couple of years (and the trine between Uranus in Gemini and Pluto) for the ‘weird’ to find out just how much they belong.
It’s Spring, and to detract from the heaviness of my previous post here’s a playlist for romantic renewal. Because love, this invisible energy binding us all, continues to matter and to exist. And it can be found inside of you. However, if you’ve been feeling like I have recently, despondent and melancholic, let’s resort to some readily available auditory medicine.
The following songs from these amazing alternative artists work heavily on your heart chakra to make you feel good and get you…in the mood for love. Adorned to the titles themselves you will also find small snipits of my favourite lyrics from these songs (most of which are also great dance tunes…) :
“Love is raised by common thieves Hiding diamonds up their sleeves Always I did it for you Never felt so sure You’re my best machine You’re my midnight sun”
“Well, I love you, imagine a world without you It’s only ever you, I only think of you And if it’s a blessing, I want it for you If I must have a future, I want it with you”
“Corner in your converse Living on the outskirts Trying just to figure it out Talking like a deadbeat, I just wanted you to see Everything that I could see Walking in the night sky, I’m always on your side You were really saving me”
“Picked me up and drove by the light of the moon Four hours to the desert from the drawing room This year’s wine tasted suspicious but just enough like love God must be with the outcasts ’cause when I call, you come”
“I need you to understand These are the earthquake drills that we ran Under the freeway overpasses The tears behind your dark sunglasses The fears inside your heart as deep as gashes Walk beside me, not behind me Feel my unconditional love”
The Spiritual Social 
